Hold Me Now
by psych21
Summary: Sequel to Happy Thoughts. Now that Josh and Donna are married, new obstacles appear that threaten to pull them apart. Will they get torn apart or come out the other side of it stronger?
1. Chapter 1

Hold Me Now

Part One

Josh sat back up against the counter, eating his cereal while he watched Donna run around the place with her phone to her ear. It was actually quite amusing to watch her get ready for the day while also barking out orders to her staff. He watched as she poured a glass of orange juice, then packed her briefcase while still never missing a beat on the phone. She was the queen of multitasking.

She was his queen. That thought brought a huge smile to his face.

He looked down at the simple gold band that adorned his left hand before looking back at her. They ended up getting married in August during the Congressional Recess. Their one year wedding anniversary was last month and things in their relationship were good between them. They still argued and had moments where they were frustrated with each other—usually about topics concerning work. But they always worked it out.

They were now over a year and a half into President Bartlet's second term. She was still working as the First Lady's Chief of Staff and was doing an amazing job. Thanks to her, the First Lady's office had been the catalyst for real, positive change in policy and initiatives. The First Lady was becoming known as a real activist for change all thanks to Donna's stewardship. Donna had really come into her own working for the First Lady. She was more confident and self-assured. He was very proud of her and tried to make sure she always knew that.

"No." Donna sighed. "We aren't moving on that yet…probably not until next week at the earliest…I'll need a meeting with the directors for and Blood:Water. We need to make sure they are coming to the conference next month…Set it up immediately. I want the first open spot they have in their calendars. And get the briefings from our last meetings with them so I can review them. I'll be in the office in a little bit."

She put the phone down on the counter and sighed before smiling at him. He handed her the glass of orange juice she poured earlier and she took a sip of it.

"It's going to be a busy day." She laughed. "I can already tell."

He put down his cereal bowl and closed the gap between them. "Can I just say that I love watching you walk around the room, commanding people to do your bidding?"

"Oh really?" She grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Really." He winked, leaning in for a kiss. "It's very sexy."

"I wish I had time to explore that thought more thoroughly but I do have to get to the office." She groaned. "Rain check?"

"Of course."

"Are you ready to go too?" She asked. "I was thinking we could go in together."

"Yeah." He went over and rinsed his bowl in the sink. "Let's go."

"What do you have on your agenda today?" She asked as they walked out of their place.

"Some meetings with Senators about the defense bill." He replied. "And probably twenty other problems that will pop up out of nowhere."

"Well if anyone can take care of those problems, it's you." She smiled at him.

"Or you." He reminded her. "You're on fire right now with the First Lady. Did you know her approval rating is higher than the President's right now?"

"Of course I know that." She grinned. "It's a good thing it isn't a contest to see whose boss is more popular."

"Yeah. You would win almost every time." He chuckled. "So what's next on this list of yours?"

"You still think I'm going to tell you what's next?" She laughed. "That's so cute. But you know the rules. I'm not giving you an advance scoop on what the First Lady wants to do."

"You can't blame a guy for trying."

* * *

Josh walked into Leo's office. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yeah. Close the door." Leo instructed.

Josh closed the door and then walked to the front of Leo's desk. "What's up?"

"The President doesn't want the First Lady to keep pursuing this Clean Water Initiative anymore."

"Ok." He wasn't sure how that involved him. "So has he told her that?"

"No." Leo shook his head. "He doesn't want it to cause any issues with their relationship. So he's having you go tell her."

Josh laughed until he saw that Leo was serious. "What? Why do I have to go tell her that?"

"Because the President is asking you to and you serve at the pleasure of the President." Leo reminded him. "Do you need a better reason?"

"No." He sighed. "Is there at least a reason I could give the First Lady?"

"There are growing tensions with Libya. Specifically there are terrorist cells making chatter about not liking the U.S. inserting themselves into Libyan affairs."

"Like the Clean Water Initiative." It was starting to make sense to him. "How much chatter?"

"Enough for the chatter to reach the President. And you know if it reaches the President's desk then it isn't good." Leo explained. "Of course you can't tell the First Lady any of that. The President doesn't want to spook her. Just make something up to get her to drop it for now. She can revisit it once the heat dies down."

"Ok." He was not looking forward to this.

* * *

Donna came back into her office after rushing off to the bathroom, relieved that no one else was in there. The last thing she needed was someone seeing her throw up and start rumors. Fortunately she wasn't getting sick very often so it was easy to hide right now.

She looked at her watch and realized she still had four hours until her doctor's appointment. She didn't expect the doctor to tell her anything different than the three tests she took a few days ago. But she wanted to be absolutely certain before she told Josh the news.

There was never a point where they sat down and said if they wanted to have kids. She knew that he wasn't the most kid-friendly person in the world, but he also never came out and said he didn't want any either. She never brought it up because she was a little wary of his opinions and she wasn't sure if it was something that would fit into their lives.

It wasn't something she thought about often or craved. Sure she thought about it from time to time, but her biological clock wasn't ringing any alarm bells or alerting her to any secret emergency desires for motherhood.

So when she took the pregnancy tests and they all confirmed her suspicions it came as a shock. But if she wanted to be completely honest, she was thrilled at the opportunity to have a mini Josh running around with the same unruly mop of hair and dimples. Still, was now the right time? And what would Josh's reaction be?

She sat down at her desk and took a deep breath before diving back into the reports on her desk. A few minutes later there was knock on the door. "Come in!"

She looked up and saw her husband standing there. A smile formed on her face. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

"Um, I just needed to talk to you about something." He shrugged, coming in to the office and sitting down.

"Everything ok?" She asked.

"Yeah, of course." He nodded. "I'm just going to need you to convince the First Lady to drop her Clean Water Initiative—at least for now."

She laughed until she saw he was serious. "No way. The First Lady believes very strongly about the right for all people to have access to clean water and quite frankly so do I. She isn't going to just drop it."

"I understand that but this is coming from the President himself."

"Then the President needs to have that conversation with the First Lady. I'm not going to." She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest.

"The President has been very encouraging about all of the First Lady's projects and initiatives. He's even asked for some of them to be worked into his own policies. But this one is one that he needs to go away for now."

"Why?" She couldn't help but wonder why now all of a sudden the President had a problem with this initiative. They had been working on it for months and making great progress. The worldwide conference was scheduled for next month in Canada. They had already begun drafting preliminary bills to shop around to Senators proposing federal relief aid go to the organizations working around the world.

"What do you mean, why?" He stammered.

"This is a pretty big ask." She explained. "So if you want me to do it, I need to know why the President wants this done."

"It's just…can you please help me out with this?"

She could tell that he was keeping something from her and was determined to find out what it was. "Josh, I need to know why."

"I can't tell you why." He sighed.

"Then I can't help you." She sighed. "Do you know what the First Lady will say if I approach her about this? She will say hell no."

"What will I say hell no to?" Abbey asked.

Donna looked over and stood up. "Ma'am, I didn't see you there."

"Good morning Mrs. Bartlet." Josh said, standing up.

"I am extremely curious now, Joshua." Abbey smiled. "What will I say hell no about?"

"Josh, do you want to fill in the First Lady?" She asked as she sat back down.

"Not really." He mumbled. "But the President is hoping you would be willing to put a pin in your clean water initiative for a little while."

"Why?" Abbey asked.

"That's the million dollar question that I can't get him to answer." She interjected.

"Well if there is no good reason being given, then hell no." Abbey smirked. "And Joshua, would you mind telling the President that he's a gigantic chicken for sending his Deputy Chief of Staff to ask me instead of asking me himself?"

"Of course." Josh nodded. "Nothing would make me happier than stepping deeper into your marriage."

"That's all, Joshua." Abbey spoke. "You're dismissed."

Josh left without another word and she almost felt bad for him. The president shouldn't have put him in that position. But he was a big boy and could handle it. She looked over at the First Lady. "He knows more than he's letting on but he wouldn't tell me anything."

"I'll see if I can get more of an answer out of Jed later. But rest assured we aren't scraping the clean water initiative." Abbey remarked. "How are we doing with the conference?"

"Things are shaping up nicely now that we have Canada agreeing to host it." She answered. "I'm setting up meetings with some of the organizations that haven't agreed to come yet. I'm confident I can get them to change their minds. No one likes to be left out of the party."

"That's a good angle to use with them. Good job. Keep me up to date."

* * *

Donna nervously paced around the kitchen, waiting for Josh to get home with their takeout order. On the counter was a white box. After her doctor's appointment she went straight to the mall. At the time she thought her idea to tell Josh about the pregnancy was genius. Now though, as the time was approaching, she worried about it.

The door opened and Josh appeared with a huge grin on his face.

"I have come baring food and sustenance to my kingdom!"

She smiled and watched as he put the food down on the counter.

"What's that?" He asked, pointing to the box.

"Um…it's just something I picked up today."

He laughed. "When did you have time to go shopping? I thought you had a busy day."

"I did." She nodded. "But I got out for a moment to go to lunch and saw this."

"Ok."

He seemed to let it go easily and headed to get the plates. While he did that, she picked up the boxes out of the bag and sat them on the counter. "Did you get me extra…"

"Yes." He interrupted, kissing her on the cheek. "I made sure they gave you extra bacon."

"Thank you."

Dinner felt like it took forever. She didn't want to start such a serious conversation while they were eating. Finally Josh pushed his plate away from him—a sign that he was done with his food.

"Ok. What is going on with you tonight?" He asked, staring at her.

"What do you mean?"

"You have this look on your face that seems to be a cross between excitement and panic."

She couldn't help but laugh. "That's actually a good way to describe it."

"So what's going on?" He asked again, this time looking concerned. "Are you ok? Are we ok?"

"Everything is fine." She assured him. "But I do have something I need to discuss with you."

"Alright." He nodded. "Go ahead."

She was about to start when his cell phone went off.

He looked apologetic as he answered the phone. "Josh Lyman…Really?...Yeah, no of course. I'll be right there."

Of course he would have to go back to work now of all times. She tried to plaster a fake smile on her face.

"I'm so sorry." He apologized as he stood up.

"You can't help it." She stood up too and went over to give him a kiss.

"I'll try to be home at a decent hour but you might not want to wait up for me." He cautioned.

"Ok." She nodded.

"We'll talk about whatever it is you wanted to talk about soon. I promise."

"It's fine." She told him.

"Love you." He said, giving her another kiss.

"Love you too." She said before he left.


	2. Chapter 2

Hold Me Now

Part 2

The next morning Josh woke and looked at the alarm clock. He had woken up naturally about twenty minutes before the alarm was scheduled to go off. He rolled over, expecting to see Donna still asleep next to him. Disappointment filled him when her side of the bed was empty. The only thing there was a note.

_Josh, _

_Sorry I didn't wake you but you got in late last night and I wanted to let you get at least a little sleep. I had to go in early for a meeting. Maybe we can carve some time out to get lunch together? Let me know. _

_Love, _

_Donna_

He couldn't be mad at her for having to work, especially if he wanted her not to be mad about him leaving last night. It would be way too hypocritical and go against the deal they made to respect when the other person had to cut their plans short because of work. He could still be disappointed though. He released a sigh and stretched out.

It bothered him that they weren't able to talk last night. It seemed like she really wanted to talk about something important and now he was racking his brain trying to figure out what it could be about. Getting up, he walked over to the closet to pick out his suit for the day. He couldn't help but notice that the box she had last night was peeking through underneath some of her clothes.

He stood there looking at the box. His curiosity finally got the better of him. While he knew it was wrong to go through her stuff, he still found himself picking up the box and bringing it over to the bed. He had a feeling this box would give him some information about what she wanted to talk about. Sitting down, he wondered for a moment if he should be opening it without Donna. He knew he should wait for her, but he wanted to know what it was so he opened it up anyway. There was tissue paper covering the top so he peeled it back to reveal a newborn-sized onesie. He picked it up and inspected it. There was a baseball with a bat and the words "Daddy's Favorite Baseball Buddy" on it. It even had the Met's logo on it.

He stared at it for a moment, trying to rack his brain to think of any friends or coworkers they might have who liked the Mets and were having a baby.

He couldn't think of anyone.

He put the onesie back in the box, putting the lid on carefully and putting it back where he found it.

What did it all mean? Was Donna pregnant? She couldn't be. Right?

They had never discussed having kids. He knew she was on birth control. They didn't use condoms because of that fact. And he knew she wouldn't go off birth control without talking to him first.

Truthfully, he wasn't sure that kids were something he ever wanted. It wasn't a priority for him. Just thinking that probably made his mother have a stroke down in Florida. But it was true. He had lived so much of his life never thinking he would even get married, yet alone have kids.

Kids were messy. Kids were loud. Kids were a lot of hard work.

Their work schedules weren't exactly kid-friendly. Did Donna want kids? What kind of a husband was he if he didn't know the answer to that basic question? Was she secretly hoping to get pregnant even though they never talked about it? Was this her dream come true? Was she panicking about this?

Looking back, he realized that the kids conversation was something they should have discussed. Because he had a feeling she was pregnant and there was no turning back now.

He went into the bathroom, turning on the water and stripping out of his pajamas. He needed to get to work and he needed to stop thinking about kids for a moment. Every moment he spent thinking about having a kid was a moment of pure panic for him.

* * *

"Are you even listening?" Sam asked.

Josh looked up and saw Sam standing there. "Did you say something?"

"I've been talking for a few minutes." Sam explained. "You didn't hear a word I said, did you?"

"Um…sure I did." He lied. "It was something about the appropriations bill."

"Not even close." Sam laughed, sitting down. "What is wrong with you today? You were distracted in Senior Staff too."

"It's nothing." He shrugged. Ever since finding that onesie this morning, he couldn't stop thinking about it. He wanted to go over to Donna's office and just ask her if she was pregnant. He wanted to get it over with and find out once and for all, though he pretty much knew what her answer was going to be.

She was pregnant. He could feel it instinctively. There was no other reason for her to have that onesie. They didn't know anyone else who liked the Mets enough to want something like that.

"It's obviously not nothing." Sam argued.

He leaned in closer to Sam. "You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you."

"Alright."

"Donna is pregnant." He watched as Sam's face fully registered his statement.

"Well that is amazing news!" Sam smiled. "I'm really happy for the two of you. But I didn't even know you were trying."

"We weren't." He sighed. "At least I wasn't."

"Oh come on now." Sam sighed. "You can't honestly think that Donna is the type of woman who would trick you into getting her pregnant."

"No, I don't." He sighed. "I'm just beyond surprised about this. I don't know how it could have happened."

"Do we need to have the birds and the bees talk?" Sam joked.

He glared at his friend. "Is it bad that I'm not sure how I feel about this? I mean, we haven't talked about kids."

"You haven't talked about it?" Sam chuckled. "You're married and you haven't had the kids discussion yet? Oh boy."

"I know." He agreed. "In hindsight we should have talked about it."

"Well look, it's not a bad thing that you aren't sure how you feel. I would imagine it is quite a shock to learn you're going to be a father. How did she tell you?"

"She hasn't told me actually." He corrected Sam.

"Then how…"

"She wanted to talk last night and she had this box with her. I looked in the box this morning and it's a newborn onesie with the Mets logo on it. I put two and two together to equal four." He explained.

"I think you just need to talk to her." Sam advised.

"I don't think I'm ready for that yet." He shook his head. "I'm afraid I'll say something that might upset her."

"You have to be honest with her though. You owe her that."

"I know." He nodded. "So what were you saying earlier?"

* * *

Donna finished her big bowl of ice cream and sat the bowl on the coffee table, flipping through the channels on the TV. She was trying not to worry about Josh but he was avoiding her. That she was certain of. He had called around lunch time and said he would have to work late so she shouldn't wait up for him. While it wasn't uncommon for him to have to work late, he didn't sound like himself when he called.

At first she wasn't sure why he would be avoiding her. Then it made sense.

He somehow knew she was pregnant.

It would have been easy for him to look into the box, though she did try to hide it last night. But maybe he looked in there and saw it. Or maybe she was worrying about something that she didn't need to worry about. Maybe he really was swamped with work and that's why he was coming home late.

She couldn't help but yawn. She was determined to wait up for him, despite him saying she shouldn't. But as time went on it got harder and harder to stay awake.

* * *

Josh entered through the door carefully, not wanting to cause too much noise. It was around midnight and he thought that Donna would be asleep by now. He knew it was cowardly to stay late at work instead of coming home and talking to her. But he needed time to think about everything.

He put his bag on the kitchen table and was going to the bedroom when he saw Donna fast asleep on the couch.

She had tried to wait up for him.

The sight of her sleeping on the couch while waiting up made him smile. She always looked so peaceful while she slept and he could stare at her like this forever. He quietly made his way over to the couch and knelt down. His eyes focused on her stomach. His hand lingered just above her stomach, unable to will himself to touch her. After a moment, he brushed a piece of hair out of her face.

That caused her to stir. He watched as her eyes fluttered open.

"Hey." He whispered.

"Hey." She whispered back.

"I'm sorry to wake you."

"Don't be." She smiled, leaning in to kiss him. "I wanted to stay awake until you got home. I guess I failed. What time is it?"

"It's about midnight." He smiled back and held his hand out to her. "It's late. Let's go to bed."

She grabbed his hand and followed him into the bedroom. "Josh?"

"Yeah?" He asked, looking back at her. She no longer looked like she was half asleep anymore. She looked fully awake and was studying his face.

"You know, don't you?"

He decided to play dumb. "Know what?"

She looked down at the floor and then back at him. "You know and that's why you didn't come home earlier tonight. Right?"

He wasn't sure if he could keep playing stupid and get away with it, but he was going to try. "I'm not sure I know what you are talking about."

"Josh…"

He knew that he couldn't keep this up forever and sighed. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

"Yes." She nodded.

He walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, aware that she followed him and sat next to him.

"How did you figure it out?" She asked.

"I peeked in the white box this morning. I saw the onesie and put two and two together." He answered. "How did you figure out that I knew?"

"Well you've been avoiding me and you look upset. Plus your hair is sticking up in twenty different directions. That only happens when you are stressed out and constantly run your hands through your hair." She chuckled.

He couldn't help but smile at how well she knew him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't the one to tell you. I really wanted to last night…"

"It's fine." He cut her off. "It's not a big deal how I found out."

"I just had this whole thing planned." She explained. "I knew exactly what I wanted to say and I wanted to make it special. I guess that sounds stupid but…"

He grabbed her hand. "It's not stupid. It's sweet." Looking over, he saw that she seemed hesitant.

"So what's going on in that head of yours?" She finally asked.

He wasn't sure what to tell her at this point but decided on honesty. "I haven't been able to concentrate on anything today. I've been scatterbrained, distracted and useless in meetings. This was all I kept thinking about."

"That's understandable. I know that feeling well. And we never really talked about kids."

"No we didn't." He sighed.

"We should now."

"It's late. We should…"

"We should talk about this." She pressed. "I know it is late and we have to work tomorrow. But this is important and I won't be able to sleep if we don't talk."

"Alright." He nodded.

"I know we didn't talk about having kids. It wasn't in any of the plans we talked about for the future. And I know you aren't super gung-ho about having kids. But the fact remains that I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby. So we need to talk about what that looks like."

"Who said I wasn't super gung-ho about having kids?" He chuckled.

"Anyone who has ever met you and seen you around them." She deadpanned. "Come on Josh, you can't tell me that you look at a baby and think that it's cute or you hear a toddler scream and want to rush right out to get one of your own."

"No, you're right. I don't." He admitted. "I've never felt the paternal desire that other men claim to have. I didn't think you had the maternal desire either."

"I didn't think so either." She shrugged. "But it's changed now. Ever since I found out I'm pregnant I've changed my mind. I want to have a miniature Josh around that looks and acts just like you or a little girl with your messy hair. But I need to know what you want."

"At this point it doesn't matter what I want. You have clearly made your decision to have the baby so we're going to have a baby. So at this point my opinion is irrelevant and I just have to deal with it." He shrugged. When she didn't say anything, he looked over at her. She looked upset and he immediately felt bad. "See this is why I didn't come home earlier. I was afraid I would say something wrong."

"It's fine." She shrugged it off. "Let's just go to bed."

"You're upset though and you wanted to talk."

"It's fine." She repeated herself. He watched as she got into the bed and turned on to her side.

He sighed and got into bed, then turned off the light. After a moment, he moved closer to her and wrapped his arm around her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way it came out. I just…I wasn't expecting this and nothing I'm saying is coming out right. I know it is hard to believe but I don't know everything."

She snorted so at least he knew she was listening. "I don't know how having a kid is going to work with our jobs. I don't know how it is going to change our relationship. I don't know anything about how to raise a kid and I don't know if I will be a good father."

She turned over so she could face him. "You say you don't know if you will be a good father, but you will. I know it. All I have to do is look at how good you are at your job. Don't you realize that a lot of the same skills that go into being a chief of staff or senior campaign leader are similar to parenting? You're constantly trying to protect the candidate, even from themselves. You look out for them-for their well-being and their reputation. You counsel them on the best course of action. You educate them on the issues. There's a lot of hand holding that goes into your job."

"It's not the same thing." He shrugged, sitting up.

"It's not exactly the same but the skills still translate." She argued.

"Look, I just need some time to get used to this. It's going to be a big change. To be honest, I can't believe you aren't freaking out about it."

"I am freaking out." She admitted. "I don't know anything about how to raise a kid either. But I know that I'm excited to try with you and I was hoping that you would feel the same way. Obviously I was wrong."

"Donna, I hope that if there's one thing you are certain about in this world it is how much I love you. Because I do love you, more than I ever thought possible. And if I could only pick one person in the world to have a kid with, it would be you. I'm just really caught off guard here. You have to give me some time to wrap my head around it."

"Ok. Fine." She nodded.

He could see she wasn't happy about the situation and he felt terrible for disappointing her. But he really wasn't expecting this. He leaned in and gave her a kiss.

"Goodnight." She whispered before rolling over.

He debated whether or not to wrap her in his arms. Ultimately he decided not to so he just stayed on his side of the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Hold Me Now

Part 3

The next day Donna sat at her desk, trying to concentrate on the papers in front of her. But it was no use. She was still upset about what happened last night. Honestly she understood that finding out they were going to have a kid was a shock. She was shocked too. But there was a part of her that wanted Josh to be excited about it, to wrap her in his arms and say 'this is great' or 'oh my God, really' and give her one of his signature grins. Instead he made it sound like she was trapping him with a kid he didn't want.

She wasn't stupid. She knew there were going to be sacrifices and some hard decisions to make. But there were going to be great things they got in return. He didn't seem to realize that though. She tried to shake her thoughts out of her head because she had a schedule today that she needed to abide by and getting lost in her thoughts wasn't an option right now. She had to focus on her job and deal with everything else later.

She got up and walked to the adjoining door, lightly knocking on the First Lady's office door.

"Come in!"

She entered and smiled at the First Lady.

"Ah Donna, right on time. How are we coming on the conference?"

"Good." She nodded. "Blood:Water is the only one who hasn't agreed to attend yet. I have another meeting with them tomorrow though. I'll get them to come."

"I know you will." Abbey smiled. "Have I told you lately how much I appreciate having you on my side? I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else and I certainly wouldn't want to go up against you."

"Well thank you, but it's unnecessary. I enjoy the work we do and I enjoy working for you." She paused for a moment. "Can I ask you something not completely work related though?"

"Of course."

"I'm just wondering how…what…how did you and the President handle having kids with your careers?" She fumbled through that question but it eventually come out right.

Abbey laughed. "It wasn't easy. It was a juggling act, that's for sure. But if it is something you want then you find a way to make it work. Are you and Josh thinking about starting a family soon?"

She was conflicted because she wanted to tell the First Lady about being pregnant. But at the same time she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to start spreading the news around without talking to Josh about it first.

"It's just something I think about sometimes." She admitted. It was the truth—just not the whole truth.

"Well keep in mind that there is never going to be a perfect time to have kids and sometimes they come without even trying. Zoey, for example, was a big surprise."

She smiled, partially because it was nice to know small tidbits about their life and also because this pregnancy was a surprise too. "I will keep that in mind."

She looked at her watch and realized they needed to get back to business. "We better get going if we want to make our meeting."

"You're right." Abbey agreed. "Let's go."

They walked through the halls until they got to the Oval Office. "Hello Mrs. Fiderer."

"Hello m'am. Hello Donna." Debbie Fiderer greeted. "You can go right on in."

"Thanks." She followed the First Lady in and saw the President sitting behind his desk with Leo standing in front of it.

"Thanks for coming in." Leo greeted.

"I wasn't sure I had a choice when I was summoned this morning." Abbey laughed.

"We need to discuss this conference in Vancouver." Jed started.

"What about it?" Abbey asked. "You aren't going to try and cancel it again, are you? I thought we settled this last night." Abbey asked.

"We didn't settle anything yet." Jed sighed. "Abbey, I know you think I am being paranoid but it's for your own good."

"I don't think you are being paranoid. I think you are being ridiculous." Abbey argued. "And there is a huge difference between the two. I would think with your education you would know the difference."

Donna watched the back and forth before looking at Leo, who simply smiled at her and shrugged his shoulders.

"So now it's ridiculous to want to protect you?" Jed asked, his tone rising.

"It's only ridiculous when there hasn't been a truly credible threat!" Abbey pointed out.

When they stopped arguing for a moment she saw it as her chance. "Excuse me, can I just ask what is going on?"

"You mean you didn't even tell your own Chief of Staff what's going on?" Jed scoffed.

"I was going to tell her." Abbey rolled her eyes.

"When?" Jed asked. "When were you going to tell her? After the conference?"

"With all due respect, can someone just tell me please and get it over with?" She laughed.

Leo stepped closer to her. "There has been some increased chatter among the Libyan terrorist groups about displeasure over the First Lady's clean water initiative."

"Apparently they don't like it that she is trying to help their people." Jed interjected.

"What kind of chatter?" She asked.

"The kind that worries us." Leo explained. "The president feels it would be better to postpone the conference and suspend working on the initiative for a little while to let the Libyans calm down."

"But I told him hell no." Abbey pointed out.

She thought about it for a moment and sighed. This was probably the thing that Josh knew but couldn't talk about when he came to her office about this. He probably wasn't allowed to tell her. She felt bad about giving him a hard time but focused on the issue in front of her. "The way I see it, we can't suspend the clean water initiative. It sends the wrong message to both the Libyan groups and to the rest of the world. It shows that we can be bullied and I know that's not how we want to be seen."

"It's a matter of security though." Jed spoke up. "I'm not putting you two in a place where you are unsafe."

"Then we simply increase the level of security at the conference." She explained. "We are only in Vancouver for 36 hours. Most of that time will be spent in meetings at the convention center. I don't see the problem."

"That's what I said too." Abbey spoke up.

"So I'm the only one who cares about these threats?" Jed scoffed.

"No." Abbey replied. "I care about them. I just don't want to let them dictate my life."

Jed was quiet for a few minutes. "Fine. We are going to increase security. You can have your conference. But I want your promise that if we learn of or get a whiff of any legitimate plans for the Libyans to do something in retaliation for you continuing with it, we'll shut it all down so fast your head will spin."

"I can live with that." Abbey nodded.

"Good." Leo chuckled. "It's settled then."

"Great." Abbey sighed. "Do you guys mind if I have a moment alone with my husband?"

"Not at all." Donna said, leaving the Oval as quickly as possible. She made her way over to Josh's office and knocked on the doorframe.

"Hey." He smiled.

"Hi." She came in and closed the door behind her.

"Uh-oh. Am I in trouble?" He asked. "You're closing the door."

"No." She shook her head. "I just didn't want anyone overhearing our conversation. I just came from a meeting in the Oval."

"Really? Why?"

"The First Lady and I were summoned there so we could meet with Leo and the President." She explained.

"About what?"

"The clean water initiative and the conference in Vancouver." She watched his face to see if he was going to give any clue away that he knew about Libya. But his face remained stoic.

"I see."

"You know the real reason the President wants to cancel it. Don't you?" She kept her tone from sounding angry or judgmental.

"Yes." He nodded. "Do you know the real reason?"

"I just found out." She explained. "While I wish you had told me, I understand now why you couldn't."

"Are tensions still high?" He asked.

"I guess so." She shrugged. "But we've agreed to keep the conference going with more security unless there is a credible threat."

"If it's a dangerous situation, should you be going?" He asked. "I mean, you are pregnant."

She walked over to the side of his desk and leaned against it. "I swear, I'm not going to do anything to put us at risk. But at the same time this is my job. I've worked on this conference for a long time now and I'm not going to let some chatter from Libyan groups stop me. I trust in the Secret Service to protect me. And if there is a credible threat, we'll postpone."

"I'm just not convinced that is the best idea." He told her. "I have my reservations about it."

"I'm aware." She nodded. "This plan was agreed to by everyone else though."

"But everyone else doesn't know you are pregnant." He pointed out.

"It's going to be fine. Trust me."

"I do trust you." He assured her. "It's everyone else I don't trust."

"Don't worry."

"Easier said than done." He mumbled.

"Do you mind if I ask for a small favor?"

"Anything." He agreed.

"Lend me Sam for a few days?" She asked. "I need someone to write the First Lady's speeches for the conference."

"Don't you have your own speech writer on staff?" He chuckled.

"Yes, and Mark is good." She admitted. "But I need someone great. I need someone who demands people pay attention, whose speeches are captivating, educational, and inspirational. I need someone whose speech can galvanize others into action. And that person is Sam."

He seemed to be thinking about it for a moment.

"Ok." He finally stated. "We can probably spare him for three days starting tomorrow, but that's all."

"Thank you." She smiled, getting up from the edge of his desk and walking to the door.

"Donna?" He called out.

She turned around. "Yeah?"

"Are we ever going to talk about the elephant in the room? We've been talking about everything else today except…"

"I'm not sure what else there is to say about it." She shrugged. "You wanted time so I'm giving you time. I've said what I need to say about it. The only thing left is for you to figure out your own feelings on this. If you want to talk, I'll be happy to listen. But I'm not going to re-hash everything right now. We both have work to do."

"Ok."

She could see that he wasn't happy with that answer and walked back over to him. Without saying anything she leaned down and gave him a kiss. When she pulled back, she rested her forehead against his.

"I don't like when we are like this with each other, when it's awkward and weird."

"I don't either." She admitted before she gave him one more kiss. "I'll see you at home later."

She didn't give him a chance to respond before striding out of his office.

* * *

Josh waited a few moments after Donna left before heading over to Sam's office. He found his friend crumpling up a piece of paper. "Having issues?"

Sam looked up and frowned. "I can't get something right. It's there in my head, but I can't get it on paper to sound the same."

"Do you have a moment?"

"Sure." Sam nodded. "What's up?"

"I have given you to Donna for the next few days." He explained. "She needs someone to write the speeches for the First Lady's clean water initiative conference."

"She has her own speech writer." Sam pointed out.

"Yes, I know that." He didn't want to have to say the next part but felt he needed to in order to properly explain it. "Apparently Donna wants the best speech writer."

"And she picked me?" Sam chuckled.

"Yes."

"Well I'm honored." Sam grinned. "And I'll be happy to do it."

"You didn't really have a choice." Josh laughed.

"There is always a choice." Sam pointed out. "So how did it go with Donna?"

He got up and closed Sam's door. "I was honest with her and now things are weird between us."

"What did you say?"

"Something about how it didn't matter what I thought because she was going to have the baby anyway and I just had to deal with it." He sighed.

"Josh…"

"I know!" He interrupted his friend's admonishment. "I realize it wasn't one of my finer moments and I feel bad about saying it like that. But I'm freaking out. I don't know the first thing about babies except that they are gross most of the time. I don't know how we are going to do it. And Donna says she is freaking out but I don't see it. She is so perfectly calm about it. I'm crawling out of my skin with panic and she is acting like it is business as usual. It's maddening."

"You need to get a grip." Sam advised.

"I know." He nodded.

"And you need to just be honest with her."

"Yeah, cause it went so well the last time." He scoffed.

"I'm serious. Should I lock you two in a room? Would that help?"

"I don't know." He sighed.

"Let me ask you this. Putting aside your panic, what do you want? Do you want to have a child?"

He was quiet for a moment. "I really don't know. It wasn't something I really thought about or considered an option. But now it's here and I'm trying to wrap my head around it."

"Maybe you shouldn't discuss it with her until you know more about how you feel." Sam backtracked.

"Yeah." He nodded.


	4. Chapter 4

Hold Me Now

Part 4

Josh came out of the bedroom, putting the finishing touches on his tie as he walked into the kitchen. Donna was at the counter, putting her papers into her bag. It had been three days since he had found out about Donna's pregnancy and things were changing in his relationship with her. They weren't connecting as well right now and he knew it was mostly his fault.

Ok, it was all his fault. He had opened his big mouth and said some things that were hurtful and they still hadn't had the talk that they needed to have because he still wasn't sure what to say. All he knew was he could feel her slipping away from him, little by little and he didn't like it.

Like right now, she was focused solely on her own tasks to get ready that she wasn't really paying much attention to him. He was pretty sure he could have walked in naked and she wouldn't have noticed.

He walked over to her and kissed the side of her head. "Good morning."

"Morning." She said absent-mindedly. "Are you still coming to the First Lady's fundraiser tonight?"

"The one for women's health? Yeah, I am. Why?"

"I was just curious." She shrugged, finally looking over at him. "You know you don't have to come if you don't want to."

"No, it's fine." He smiled. "I'll be there."

"Ok." She nodded, going back to packing her bag. "I was just trying to give you a choice about things."

He couldn't help but feel like that was a subtle dig at him. But he probably deserved it so he let it go. "Are you coming back here before to get ready too?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Ok. Let me know when you want to leave the White House to come back here and we can leave together."

"Ok." She nodded, getting her coat on.

"Are you leaving now?"

"Yes." She looked at him strangely.

"Why are you leaving so early?" She didn't usually leave this early.

"Why so many questions?" She sighed. "If you must know, I have a busy day. And as much as I would love to have some coffee, I'm not supposed to drink caffeine anymore. So I'm leaving early to stop at Starbucks and get a decaf one because we don't have any decaf here. I've been too busy to have a chance to stop and pick any up this week."

"Well give me a moment and I'll go with you." He quickly put on his suit jacket and then his coat.

"I can go by myself." She protested. "You don't have to come along."

"I want to though." He pointed out.

"Ok." She relented.

He got the impression she didn't want him to go with her, but he wasn't about to give up.

* * *

"This looks good so far." Donna praised Sam as she read some of the remarks he wrote for the First Lady. "I like this part about coming together for one united goal."

"I'm glad. I went back and forth about including it." Sam smiled.

"Don't second guess yourself." She laughed.

"So…" Sam trailed off. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." She smiled, thinking it was an odd question. Then it hit her why he was asking. "What did Josh tell you?"

"Nothing." Sam shook his head.

"You're a bad liar." She called him out. "He told you everything, didn't he?"

"Yes. Congratulations. I'm very happy for you both." Sam grinned.

"Thank you." She smiled back.

"And trust me, I haven't said anything to anyone because I didn't know if you wanted people to know yet."

"I trust you." She sighed. "I just wish Josh knew when to keep his big mouth shut sometimes."

"I don't think he knew you didn't want anyone to know about it."

"No, it's not that. I know you won't go around blabbing it to everyone." She assured him. "It was directed towards some of the other things he has said lately."

"If it helps any, I'm not sure he even knows what he is saying right now." Sam laughed. "He's all over the place."

"I know it came as a shock to him." She conceded. "But is it really too much to ask for some support about this? I feel like it's coming between us when it should be bringing us closer together. I feel like I've somehow doomed our relationship by getting pregnant."

"You shouldn't feel that way. Yes, having a child with someone is supposed to bring you closer together. But just because it hasn't yet doesn't mean it won't happen. Give him a chance. He might surprise you."

"Yeah." She nodded. "Maybe."

* * *

Donna walked around the fundraiser, making sure she had talked to all of the major donaters. She smiled when she saw a friend. "CJ, you look wonderful."

"So do you, Donna." CJ smiled, giving her a hug. "How are you doing? We don't see enough of you anymore."

"I know. The First Lady keeps me busy." She explained. "I've been good though. How are you?"

"I'm doing well." CJ nodded. "To be honest, I'm surprised you aren't out there dancing with Josh."

"Well I've got a lot of work to do tonight."

"When has that ever stopped you two before?" CJ asked. "I'm just asking because I've seen the way Josh has been distracted this week. Something is going on. Is everything alright between you two?"

"Yeah." She nodded, feeling bad for lying. "Everything is great."

"You know if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you."

"I appreciate that." She smiled at her friend. "But I'm fine and so is my relationship with Josh. Thank you though. If you'll excuse me, I see someone I need to talk to about a donation. Enjoy the party."

She felt bad lying to CJ because she knew the woman genuinely cared and would listen to her. But she didn't want to involve anyone else right now.

* * *

"Nice fundraiser." Sam commented.

Josh looked over and nodded. "Yep."

"I hope they are raising a lot of money."

"Me too." He said, returning his gaze to Donna. He had been watching her flitter around from person to person all night. She was stunning in her dark blue dress and he couldn't even tell she was pregnant. He knew that she was busy, going around and helping the First Lady solicit donations for women's health, but at the same time he was hoping to spend at least a little time with her. They always made time to dance at and fundraiser, state dinner, or party they attended together. But as soon as they got here she split off from him. He wasn't sure if he would even get to talk to her again until the end of the night, yet alone dance with her.

"Things are still tense, huh?"

"Yep." Josh nodded.

* * *

"Donna!"

She turned and saw the First Lady approaching her. "Hello."

"How is everything going?"

"Great. I've already gotten a commitment of over 8 million from donators." She smiled.

"That's wonderful!" Abbey smiled. "Great job!"

"Thanks."

"Oh, and I have read the preliminary remarks you sent over for the conference. Mark has really stepped up his speech writing game. They are brilliant. I didn't know he had it in him."

"He doesn't." She laughed. "I have borrowed Sam for a couple of days. You needed speeches that were going to pack a punch and galvanize everyone. Sam's speeches can do that for you in a way that Mark can only ever dream about."

"I should have known you would think of everything." Abbey laughed. "Well let's set up a meeting with Sam before we have to give him back. I have a couple of ideas I want to float by him."

"On the closing speech?" She guessed.

"Exactly. It's like you can read my mind." Abbey smiled. "You've done a fantastic job tonight. Go dance with Josh and enjoy yourself."

"Yes ma'am." She nodded, watching as the First Lady left into the crowd. She turned around and spotted who she was looking for. It didn't take her long to cross the ballroom. "Sam, the First Lady loves your remarks. Can we set up a meeting with her? She has some ideas to run past you for the closing speech."

"Sure." Sam nodded. "No problem."

"Great." She turned to leave, only stopping when Josh lightly touched her arm.

"Can we talk? Or dance?" He asked.

"I'm sorry." She apologized. "I'm just swamped trying to get people to donate. I don't know if I will have time."

"We always make time." He reminded her.

"I know. But like I said, I'm sorry. I'm busy."

"Donna…"

"What do you want from me, Josh?" She snapped. "I'm just trying to do my job here."

"I know, but…"

"But nothing!" She sighed. There was only one way to settle this. "Follow me." She led him to one of the empty patios. "Look, you didn't have to come tonight."

"Obviously." He sighed. "Why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not avoiding you." That wasn't entirely true, but she didn't really want to have this conversation now. Though it seemed like there was no way around it.

"I think we both know that is a lie. There is a divide growing between us and I know you see it too."

"What do you want from me?" She shook her head. "You seem to think you are the only one freaking out about this baby. I'm sorry to tell you that isn't the case."

"You don't look like you are freaking out."

"It's because I'm good at hiding it!" She exclaimed loudly. "But I am completely freaking out. Do you know all of the things I have to give up during pregnancy? Caffeine is just the beginning. Then there is the fact that I'm probably going to have to quit my job. I have all of these hormones running around my body. I get morning sickness at all random times of the day, which I have to hide from everyone at work. I got a better reaction from Sam about this pregnancy than I did from my own husband. I'm trying so hard to still focus on my job. And then there's the fact that I have to worry about you freaking out. So forgive me if I don't want to be discussing everything right now. I'm barely keeping it together as it is. I know that a baby isn't what you want. I don't need to talk to you and find out you resent me for getting pregnant and I've ruined our marriage. I can't handle that right now."

She could see her outburst shocked him and decided to use that to her benefit. "Now if you will excuse me, I have to get back to work because that is the one thing in my life I feel like I can control right now." Before he could stop her, she went back into the ballroom.

* * *

Josh looked at the clock on the wall. It was almost 11pm. Donna should be home soon from the fundraiser. After her outburst on the patio, he decided to leave and give her some space. He truly didn't think she was freaking out about the baby because she acted like everything was fine. But he should have seen the signs. He shouldn't have been so selfish.

He also didn't mean to make her think that he didn't want this baby or that he would resent her. There was definitely no way she could have ruined their marriage either. True he was caught off guard and he didn't handle the situation as well as he should have. But he could never resent her, especially not for getting pregnant. It wasn't something she did on purpose to get at him. It happened because birth control isn't 100% effective.

As for ruining their marriage…he was serious when he took those vows. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do they part.

He should have done more to show her that he supports her in this and that she isn't in this alone. He felt horrible for the added stress he was putting her through and vowed to change it as soon as she came home.

Almost as if on cue, the lock clicked and the door opened. Donna came in and they locked eyes with each other for a moment. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it.

"Hi." She said quietly.

"Hi." He greeted.

She sighed and started walking to the bedroom. "I'm sorry about my outburst earlier."

He followed her into the bedroom, watching as she slipped out of her dress. "As far as I'm concerned, you don't have anything to apologize for. If anything, I should be apologizing to you."

She didn't look at him as she picked up her dress and headed to the closet. She put the dress back up on a hanger and then picked out pajamas. He sat on the bed and waited for her to finish changing.

"Can you come sit next to me for a moment?" He asked.

She didn't answer but slowly walked over and sat next to him on the bed. He turned to face her. "I am so sorry for many things. I made this whole thing about me and what I was thinking and feeling. I never checked in with you to see what you were thinking or feeling. I didn't even know about the frequency of your morning sickness. I just assumed that you were fine with everything and that was wrong of me. I haven't supported you as much as I should have, especially since you thought that I resent you for getting pregnant. I've been a shitty husband. It's not right that you got a better reaction from Sam than me. You have every right not to forgive me."

While he was speaking, he saw tears running down her face and reached over to brush them away. "I know I have been selfish about this whole thing. It hasn't been fair to you. I just want you to know that I could never resent you for anything. I love you and I know it took me a while to get to this place, but I'm all in with this pregnancy."

"What does that mean?" She asked softly, her voice cracking a little.

"It means I can't wait to have this baby with you."

She started to smile. "Really?"

"Really." He assured her. "And to prove it, I got you something." He got up and went into the living room to grab the bag. "Here." He presented it to her. "Open it."

She looked inside the bag and pulled out two books. "What to Expect When You're Expecting and 10000 Baby Names."

"I know it isn't a onesie, but I thought it would still show you that I'm in this with you."

"Thank you." She leaned in and kissed him. "You really mean it though? You aren't just saying it to make me feel better?"

"I wouldn't do that." He asserted. "I couldn't be happier that you are the mother of my child. There is no one else I'd ever want to do this with. Look, for a long, long time I never thought I would even get married. I had resigned myself to the fact that it wasn't in the cards for me because of how hard I work and how much I dedicate myself to my job. But then you came along and completely changed everything. I couldn't imagine my life without you and I knew I had to marry you so I could be with you for the rest of my life. And kids…well I never even envisioned a life with kids for the same reasons. I don't know how this is going to work. I don't know what the answers are. But I trust you and I have to trust in us to be able to make this work."

"We have a lot to talk about." She pointed out.

"Yes, but we don't have to talk about everything tonight. We have time."

"Yes we do." She nodded with a smile.

He stood up and held out his hand. "Dance with me?"

She looked at him strangely.

"We never got a chance to dance tonight." He explained.

"There's no music." She reminded him with a laugh.

"Doesn't matter." He grinned.

She took his hand and stood up. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close, finally relaxing when she put her head on his shoulder.


	5. Chapter 5

Hold Me Now

Part 5

"Hmmm…do you have to go today?" Josh mumbled as he buried his head in the crook of her neck and draped his arm around her midsection. It had been about a month since they discovered she was pregnant. She wasn't showing in a way noticeable to everyone else yet. The only reason he could tell she was pregnant was because he had spent so much time memorizing every curve of her body. He tenderly traced circles along her stomach with his fingers and wondered how he could have ever been afraid of this.

Over the past few weeks he had realized that he really did want to have kids with Donna. There was something magical about looking at her and knowing she was growing their child inside of her. He was an idiot for how he responded at first and still apologized from time to time. In true Donna fashion, she would just roll her eyes, call him an idiot and give him a kiss to let him know that things were fine between them.

"Yes." She chuckled. "But I'll only be gone for a day and a half."

"I wish I could just go with you."

"You're too important to the President to come with me." She reminded him. "Besides, I don't need a babysitter, and I have a feeling that's all you would do doing."

"I'm just sad I won't get to wake up with you tomorrow and do this first thing in the morning." He whined, letting his hand slip lower.

"You'll somehow survive." She told him, lightly swatting his hand away. "And we don't have time for a second round this morning."

"Fine." He laughed, kissing her neck. He watched as she got out of bed and put on her robe. "Care to take a shower together?"

She shook her head. "Remember what happened yesterday when we did that? We ended up being twenty minutes late. You were late for Senior Staff."

"And Leo chewed me out about it for a solid five minutes. But it was fun and completely worth it." He grinned boyishly. "You have to at least admit that."

She walked over to his side of the bed and sat down. "Oh it was very fun. It always is. But we can't be late again today so you'll have to take a shower alone." When she was done talking, she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. "I'm going first."

"Ok." He nodded. "I'll go make coffee for us." He got up and headed into the kitchen. Although Donna called it wasteful, he went out and bought a second coffee maker. That way in the mornings they could save time by making both his coffee and her decaf simultaneously. It was a small thing that he thought of to hopefully make this pregnancy go smoother for her.

He grabbed a blueberry muffin and started eating while the coffee brewed. Donna was right. He wanted to go with her to the conference in Vancouver as a babysitter more than anything else. Although there wasn't any chatter coming through from the Libyan groups, he still felt like there was danger surrounding the trip.

Of course, Donna chalked it up to him just being paranoid. And maybe she was right. Knowing that he had a real family now, not just a wife but also a kid on the way, was making him slightly over-protective. But he didn't want to lose more people that he loved.

Things were going great right now, which was usually the point in his life where the bottom drops out from under him. He didn't want that to happen again.

"The shower is all yours." She exclaimed happily as she entered the kitchen, clad in her robe and wet hair.

He watched as she went over and poured herself a cup of decaf.

"Thanks for brewing the coffee." She smiled, leaning in to kiss him.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and gently pulled her closer, noticing the strange look she was giving him.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" She chuckled.

"Like what?" He wasn't aware that he was staring.

"I don't know." She shook her head.

"I was just thinking about how beautiful you are." He explained. "And how much I love you."

She leaned in for another kiss. "I love you too. Now go take a shower so we can get to work."

He grinned and kissed her forehead. "Whatever you say, dear."

* * *

Donna sat quietly across from the First lady on the plane. They were almost to Vancouver and the First Lady was going over her speeches again. For most of the flight she had been looking out the window and thinking about how to approach the subject of her pregnancy with everyone. She and Josh had agreed that since she was so close to being out of the first trimester, they should start telling people. They had plans to tell his mother and her parents next weekend. That was going to be easy. But she wanted to tell the First Lady now, so that she would have time to make arrangements to replace her and was dreading it.

She realized that there was never going to be a perfect time for this conversation and decided to just jump in. "Ma'am, do you have a moment to talk about something?"

She saw the First Lady put down her papers. "Of course. What's on your mind?"

"You know how much I love working for you, right?"

"Of course." Abbey said, looking at her curiously.

"I love the work we've been able to do together and I appreciate all of the faith you have had in me."

"I know that. Where is this coming from?"

"I have to tell you something that you aren't going to like very much." She gave a small smile. "I'm…well Josh and I are going to have a baby."

Abbey smiled. "I kind of wondered after the conversation we had a few weeks ago. It's wonderful news and I couldn't be happier for you both. But why did you think I wouldn't be happy about it?"

"Well because I'm going to have to quit." She explained.

"No you don't." Abbey laughed.

"With all due respect, I don't know how Josh and I will be able to both work in the jobs we have and have a baby." She explained.

"Donna, do you want to quit?"

She had to be honest. Although she and Josh had agreed that it made the most sense for her to quit and be the one to care for the baby, she wasn't 100% thrilled with it. She loved her job. "No, but I…"

"Then you aren't quitting." Abbey interrupted. "There are several things we can do. We can hire a deputy for you to train to take care of the everyday minutia of the job, we can modify your hours or we can let you bring the baby to work. Those are just three ideas I came up with off the top of my head. I'm sure if we think about it more we can come up with a suitable arrangement."

"Why are you so determined to keep me on?" She laughed.

"You are invaluable to me." Abbey told her. "I couldn't have done any of this without you and I'm not going to give you up without a fight. I respect that you are starting a family and if you want to stay home then that is a choice I will support 100%. But if you want to keep working, then I will do everything in my power to make sure we can make that happen."

"Thank you." She smiled. "You have no idea what that means to me."

"Then it's settled. After we get back from the conference we will set up a time with Jed and Josh to discuss what changes need to happen."

She couldn't stop smiling. She was really lucky to have the kind of boss who would try to move mountains to keep her on.

* * *

Donna entered her hotel room that night, completely exhausted from the conference's welcome cocktail party and dinner. She no sooner had laid down on the bed when her phone rang. "Hello."

"How are you feeling?" Josh's voice rang through on the other end.

"I'm fine." She chuckled. "I'm just as fine as I was when you called three hours ago."

"Can you blame me for worrying?" He asked. "You're 2900 miles away in a foreign country right now."

"I'm in Canada, not some war-torn country." She reminded him.

"Yeah, but it's still far away."

She knew part of the reason he was calling was because of the threats made by the Libyan terror groups. Although the chatter about retaliating against the First Lady had stopped, security was still tighter than normal as a precaution. It was sweet of him to worry about her and the baby; however since there were no credible threats even the President thought it would be safe for them to continue to hold the conference. That should have been enough for Josh, but he was still worried.

"So there is something I wasn't able to talk about earlier and I wanted to run it by you now."

"Good or bad?" He questioned.

"Good." She chuckled. "At least I think it is good. I told the First Lady about the baby."

"Good. How did she take the news?"

"She is thrilled for us of course and she wants to keep me on." She explained. "She thinks we can make it work-that I can still work for her once the baby gets here." She was expecting Josh to be as excited about this as she was, but was met with silence. "Josh? You still there?"

"I thought we had agreed you would stop working."

"Yeah, but that was before. I didn't think there would be any way I could still work. But now…" She trailed off. "You don't like this idea, do you?"

"I'm just trying to figure out how it would work." He sighed. "But we don't have to worry about it right now. We can talk about it later."

"Yeah." She agreed, trying not to be disappointed. "You know, I kind of miss you."

"I kind of miss you too." He admitted. "How did everything go tonight?"

"Pretty good actually." She yawned. "Everybody is getting along and seems open to working together. We'll see what happens tomorrow but at least everyone seems to be receptive to our message."

"That's great. I should let you get to sleep though."

"Yeah. I probably should crash." She yawned again. "Tomorrow is a busy day, but at least I'll be able to end the day tomorrow in your arms."

"I can't wait." He told her. "I love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight."

* * *

"Well this was a very productive trip." Abbey smiled as they got into the car to head back to the airport.

Donna smiled back at her and put her bag next to her in the back seat. "I agree. I think we are going to be able to make some significant progress on the campaign now that we have everyone on board with us."

"And as an added bonus, we got to prove Jed wrong about the dangers that supposedly surrounded this trip." Abbey laughed.

She couldn't help but laugh as well. "Yeah. I think that was the main reason why Josh has been calling so many times."

"How many has it been today?"

"Eight." She sighed.

"It's sweet he worries about you." Abbey pointed out.

"I know it's sweet that he worries, but there hasn't even been a hint of danger on this trip. It's overkill."

She was about to say something else when there was a loud boom that threw her around the car. It seemed to happen in slow motion as the car flipped. She lost count on how many times they flipped. The force of the turns threw her around like a rag doll. Once the flipping was over, the car was upside-down.

There was a slight buzzing sound ringing in her ears but other than that it was silent. She could barely keep her eyes open. Every part of her body hurt and she wanted to close her eyes, but she forced herself to look around and try to stay alert. It wouldn't be long until help came for them. She was certain of that. And so she needed to stay awake. She needed to tell them about the baby.

She looked to the side and saw Abbey. Her eyes were closed and there was blood all over the side of her head. Blood was also coming out of her mouth. She wasn't a doctor but knew that wasn't a good sign. She tried to call out, to scream, hell even cry…but she couldn't.

So she tried to take a deep breath, only to be met with intense pain. While looking down she saw a huge piece of something stuck in her wrist, which was covered in blood. That couldn't be good either.

Her vision started to get blurry and before she knew it everything went black.


	6. Chapter 6

Hold Me Now

Part 6

Leo was sitting at his desk looking over some briefings when the phone rang. "Hello?...What?...When did this happen?...How bad is it?...Oh shit…Ok. Let's try to keep it contained as long as possible. Thanks." He hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment before springing into action. A mental list started forming in his mind. He got up and opened his door. "Margaret, find Josh. Have him meet me in the Oval right now. I don't care what he is doing. Make him drop it and get his ass over here."

He didn't wait for her to answer him before shutting the door again. He had another phone call to make before going to the Oval.

* * *

Josh wasn't sure why he was being called to the Oval Office or why Margaret looked so spooked but he had a bad feeling about it. He pushed his feeling aside and walked into the outer office, seeing Charlie there. "Hey."

"Hey. You can go right in." Charlie greeted.

"Do you know why I have been summoned?" He asked. .

"No." Charlie shook his head. "I was only told that when you get here, I'm to send you right in."

"Fair enough I guess." He shrugged. When he entered the office, he saw the President standing by the window, staring out with his arms crossed. Leo was in front of the desk with a grim expression on his face. He suddenly knew this wasn't a social visit and his gut feeling was right. His heart dropped as he started imagining all the things that could be wrong.

"Josh, close the door." Leo ordered.

He did as he was told and then took several steps into the office. "What's going on? What happened?" His gut told him there was something wrong with Donna.

"About twenty minutes ago, the car carrying the First Lady and Donna was hit with rocket launcher. The three Secret Service agents who were in the car with them are dead. Both the First Lady and Donna are at the hospital. I don't have any more information about their conditions than that. I'm sorry Josh." Leo explained.

He felt like all of the air had been squeezed from his body and he was frozen in place as his mind raced. She had to be ok. There was no way he could live with himself if anything happened to her. And the baby. He wasn't a doctor but he knew the chances of the baby being ok after an incident like this were slim.

He knew it was a bad idea for her to go to the conference. He tried to tell her.

"Josh!" Leo called out.

He looked over at Leo. "I have to go there. I'm sorry but I can't be here. I have to go."

"I know." Leo nodded sympathetically. "I'm having Air Force One gassed up as we speak. You and the President will be heading to the airfield in a minute."

He looked over and saw that the President was still standing at the window with his back to them. It didn't seem like he had moved an inch this entire time.

"Sir, you and Josh should get going now." Leo said, walking over to the President.

"Yeah, let's go." Jed said quietly, leading the way.

* * *

They were finally making their final descent into Vancouver. It was the longest five hour plane ride he had ever been on. He was getting anxious and just wanted to get to the hospital. They had only received one update so far from the hospital. Both the First Lady and Donna were in surgery. They both lost a lot of blood and were in critical condition. That's all they knew right now and it was driving him crazy.

He had watched and listened to the President made condolence calls to the families of the three secret service agents who were killed in the attack. How the President had the ability to focus on something like that when his wife was in surgery was beyond his ability to comprehend. He could barely form coherent thoughts, yet the President was having these incredibly serious, deep conversations and trying to console the families of the dead. It was masterful considering the circumstances.

After the condolence calls came the calls to his children. Hearing him talk to their girls and explain that he didn't know much about their mothers' injuries was rough. He was again impressed with the President's ability to remain composed.

There was a phone call from Leo that came through as well. Leo was giving an update on the info they had about who was responsible for the attack. He was still perplexed about how someone with a rocket launcher could be able to get close enough to hit their car. But he realized it would have been difficult for the Secret Service to secure every building that was on the route from the hotel to the airport.

There wasn't anyone taking credit for the attack yet, but they were still working on finding out who planned it. Unfortunately the news had gotten out to the press about the attack on the First Lady. Toby and Sam were working on a press release for CJ. He felt a twang of guilt for not being able to help. But honestly, there was nothing he would be able to help with right now. His mind was in a different place.

After the President got off the phone with Leo they had a conversation—the only one they had the entire plane ride.

"_Leo says that they haven't found the person who fired the rocket launcher. They locked down the area but I'm not sure if they will find them." The President said. _

"_We need to kill them, sir. We need to find them and kill them. We kill them and then we find out who sent them and we kill them too. You kill the people who did it, the people who planned it. Then you kill everyone who was happy about it." _

_He surprised himself with his words, but he found he meant them. Whoever did this deserved to die. Neither the First Lady nor Donna were doing anything to hurt anyone. On the contrary they were trying to help others by bringing clean water to those who didn't have access to it. They didn't deserve this._

"_I know you are hurting right now." Jed commented. "So I know you don't mean that." _

"_I do though." He nodded. "They have already killed three people. Both of our wives could die and Donna is…was…" _

"_Abbey told me about the baby last night." Jed interrupted. "I'm very sorry." _

_He shook his head and looked out the window again. "Whoever is responsible needs to pay." _

Other than the phone calls, things were quiet on the plane. He was certain the President was lost in his own thoughts about his wife, just as he was about Donna.

No matter what he tried to think about, his thoughts were drawn back to Donna though. He couldn't lose her. He was under no illusions about the baby surviving and would grieve that later. But he couldn't lose Donna too. She was everything to him.

He briefly wondered if she was this worried about him after he was shot at Rosslyn. They weren't together then so he couldn't blame her if she wasn't as wrecked as he was right now. But if she was upset even a fraction of how much he was now, then he felt bad for her.

The irony of both of them being injured while working for this administration wasn't lost on him. She always said she was willing to put her blood, sweat and tears into whatever job she held. The sweat and tears were already given. Now came the blood.

He stared out the window and remembered the conversation they had a long time ago about the car accident she had during the couple of months where she went back to her old boyfriend, Dr. Freeride.

"_I'm just saying if you were in an accident I wouldn't stop for a beer." _

_Without missing a beat she replied. "If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for red lights._

He wasn't going to be stopping for red lights either since he would be riding with the President. He knew that the secret service detail was going to be breaking as many driving laws as possible to get them to the hospital quickly.

* * *

It didn't take long to reach the hospital. He followed behind the President as they entered the hospital. They were immediately greeted by two men.

"Mr. President, Mr. Lyman. My name is Dr. Ross and this is Dr. Petty." One of the men spoke. "Dr. Petty, why don't you take Mr. Lyman to fill him in on everything with his wife. I will fill in the President about the First Lady."

"Come right this way please."

He followed the man who apparently was Dr. Petty. As he walked away, he looked back at the President. He couldn't hear what Dr. Ross was saying, but he could tell by the President's face that it didn't look like good news.

"Mr. Lyman, please have a seat." Dr. Petty pointed to a chair by the window.

He sat down. Although he had been waiting impatiently for a briefing from Donna's doctor to know what was going on, he couldn't help but be anxious about it.

"Your wife suffered a head injury, which gave her a concussion. We are monitoring it but it doesn't look like she will have any significant side effects from that other than perhaps a headache when she wakes up. She came in with a collapsed lung or pneumothorax so we had to insert a needle around the rib cage area to remove the excess air."

He groaned at the explanation of the procedure.

"Are you alright?" Dr. Petty asked.

"I just get squeamish about procedures and stuff." He explained. "Please…go on."

"Alright. The collapsed lung should fix itself within 48-72 hours now that we have the air removed. The most serious injury she received was to her wrist. There was a large piece of metal that got lodged in her wrist during the accident. It punctured the artery and a couple of the muscles. We went in and did surgery to repair the artery and to start repairing the muscles but she will likely need at least one of two more surgeries on her wrist in the near future. It's possible she won't get full range of motion and full use back from her wrist, but we're doing everything we can to make sure that she recovers fully. She lost a lot of blood from the arterial injury. It put a lot of stress on her body, which has unfortunately caused her to have a miscarriage. We have given her a couple of blood transfusions and we feel optimistic about her recovery though. We have every reason to believe she will be fine. We've even upgraded her condition from critical to serious."

He felt queasy from the explanations of her injuries. He was also devastated to get confirmation that she lost the baby, but it wasn't a surprise. He was a little worried about her wrist injury. But at least she was going to be alright. He had to try and focus on the positives. He wasn't going to lose her. "Can I see her now?"

"Of course." Dr. Petty nodded. "Come with me."

He got up and followed the doctor down a long hallway, briefly wondering what the President was learning about the First Lady. He would have to go find out later. He also needed to call her parents and let them know about her condition. But he needed to put eyes on Donna and make sure that she was actually ok. He had to see it for himself.

"Here is her room. We've given her morphine to dull the pain so she will be extremely groggy if she wakes up. But honestly-given the trauma, the anesthesia from the surgery and now the morphine I would be surprised if she wakes up at all before tomorrow morning." Dr. Petty announced. "Please let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks." He took a deep breath before entering her room. Once inside, his eyes zeroed in on her immediately. She was laying in the hospital bed connected to a ton of wires and machines. He looked at the monitors of the machines but didn't know what he was looking at so he wasn't sure if the numbers were good or bad.

He focused on Donna. There were small cuts marking up her face. Her right wrist was bandaged and then put in a sling. She looked so pale and fragile right now. He grabbed a chair and moved it closer to the bed. He knew he needed to call her parents to give them an update. They were just as worried about her as he was and he would definitely call them soon. But for now he needed a moment with her. He grabbed her left hand in his and leaned forward, lightly resting his hand against their joined hands.

It was then that he started to cry.

It started as a few silent tears that left his eyes. Then it turned into sobs that made his whole body rock back and forth. He cried as way to release the stress of not knowing if she would be alright, the stress of losing the baby, the guilt of not making sure she skipped the conference. He knew there was too much danger surrounding this conference, but she didn't want to listen to him. She was stubborn, believing that she was right about there being no danger.

In this instance he hated being right.

He knew he had to get all of the tears out now, before she woke up. Once she woke up, he vowed he would be strong for her. He would be the rock she needed to get through this. But right now, this one time, he could let himself fall apart.


	7. Chapter 7

Hold Me Now

Part 7

"Yeah…No, I don't think you need to make the trip up here…The doctors are certain she will be fine…I will have her call you when she is awake and alert…Of course…Ok, bye." He hung up the phone. Donna's parents were just as relieved as he was that she would be ok.

A knock on the door caused him to turn around and see the President in the doorway. "Sir." He stood up.

"I hope you don't mind but I spoke to the doctor about her injuries. But how is Donna doing?" Jed asked, looking past him at the empty bed. "And where is Donna?"

"The nurse and an orderly took her down for a CT scan. They wanted to monitor how her wrists' blood flow is after the surgery and also check for blood clots." He explained. "All in all though, they think she will be fine."

"I'm glad." He gave a small smile. "For both you and for her."

"How is the First Lady?" He could tell from the look on the President's face that it wasn't good. He had never seen the President look so disheveled. His eyes, which were usually bright, were dull and listless. He didn't want to pry, but he knew that once Donna woke up she would want to know what was going on.

"Abbey…" Jed's voice cracked slightly. "She didn't make it through her surgery."

He didn't know what to say to that. It caught him off guard. "Oh. Sir, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I'm shocked, just as I'm sure you are too."

"It's alright. You don't have to say anything." He gave a small nod. "I'm going back to D.C. The girls are going to meet me there. I need to be back there with them."

"Of course." That made sense. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No." Jed shook his head. "But thank you. I appreciate the offer. I just need to see my girls. Leo's having Toby and Sam craft a statement for CJ to give the press because I certainly don't feel up to facing the press yet. But we have everything under control. So of course you should stay here with Donna as long as you need to. I'm leaving some Secret Service here just as a precaution. I don't think this is a dangerous situation but just in case, you should be safe."

"Thank you." He wasn't sure what else to say in this situation. He tried to think of a time when a First Lady was killed like this but wasn't able to come up with anything. There were First Ladies who died while their husband was in office, but not like this. Never like this. This was uncharted territory. This was an assassination. This was going to change everything. "If you need anything, please let me know."

"Thank you Josh." Jed nodded. "Just take care of Donna. I'm so sorry that this has happened to her and she got caught up in all of this."

"I'll take care of her." He promised, watching the President leave the room. Once he was certain that the man was out of earshot, he dialed a number on his phone.

"Hello?"

"Leo, I just spoke to the President. What is going on? How did the First Lady die?" He heard Leo sigh heavily.

"She had a lot of injuries. She had internal bleeding and a bad head injury. They tried to go in with surgery to repair the internal bleeding and to fix the damage done in her head but she kept flat-lining. After the third time they just couldn't bring her back." Leo explained.

"I can't believe she is gone."

"Me too." Leo agreed. "The President is going to be lost without her."

"I bet." He couldn't help but think that Donna would be lost without her as well. He dreaded having to tell his wife about Abbey's death.

"How is Donna?" Leo asked.

"I think she will be ok." He replied. "The only thing they are worried about at this point is if she will be able to regain full range of motion with her wrist. She got some metal stuck in her wrist and it has messed up an artery and muscles. She also has a collapsed lung, which they fixed, and a concussion. But the doctors are optimistic."

"Poor kid." Leo sighed. "I'm glad she will be alright. I know everyone here is worried about her and wishing her a speedy recovery."

"I'll be sure to let her know that when she wakes up." He promised. "So I don't know how long it will be until Donna can be released…"

"Say no more." Leo cut him off. "You just stay with Donna. We have things covered."

"Are you sure?" It didn't feel right to leave the team when they were in the middle of a crisis. And the death of a First Lady was a big crisis. "This is…it's an all hands on deck situation."

"I'm positive." Leo assured him. "If we need anything we know how to reach you."

"Ok." He agreed reluctantly. It wasn't that he wanted to leave Donna. He never wanted to leave her side ever again. He just struggled with the guilt over not being able to help.

He couldn't help anyone right now. He couldn't help the President, the team, or Donna. No matter what he felt helpless. He hated that feeling.

"I have to go." Leo told him. "We'll talk soon."

He didn't even get a chance to say bye before Leo hung up. But he couldn't blame the man. It was probably a madhouse over there right now. He walked over to the window and stared out.

It was late in Vancouver, or early. However you wanted to classify 2am. Either way it was dark outside. Back in D.C. it was only 11pm.

His thoughts went back to the First Lady and the President. The First Lady was everything to him. All you had to do was watch them together and you could see how much he adored his wife. They were together for decades. They built a life, a family and a political empire together. The president counted on his wife's love, support, guidance and ability to kick him in the ass when he needed it. Questions circled his mind about how the President would be able to get through such a big loss when the person he usually leaned on was the one lost.

As horrible a thought as it was, he was so relieved that things weren't reversed and he hadn't lost Donna. He didn't want to sound dramatic but he wasn't sure how he would get through it if he ever lost her. He always assumed because he was older he would die first and in many ways he was fine with that. This incident reminded him that wasn't necessarily the case.

She could have easily died in that car. She was surrounded by the Secret Service and it still wasn't enough to protect her from getting hurt. He wasn't mad at the Secret Service though. He was sure they had followed all of their protocols. It just showed him that life was fragile.

He didn't relish having to tell Donna about what happened to the First Lady or their baby. She was going to be devastated about both pieces of news.

It was hard enough for him to wrap his head around the fact that earlier today they were going to have a baby in a few months. Now they weren't.

A noise behind him caused him to turn around and see them wheeling Donna's bed back into the room. "How did it go?"

The nurse smiled at him. "The doctor will be in shortly to give more details but between us, everything is looking good."

"Thank God." He released the breath he didn't realize he had been holding. It didn't take long for them to get her hooked back up to the monitors.

"If you need anything, just hit the call button." The nurse told him before leaving the room.

He immediately went back to her bedside, sitting in the chair and grabbing a hold of her left hand. Normally he hated staying still and doing nothing. But there, in the relative silence of her hospital room, he was content to just sit and stare at her.

* * *

Donna winced as her eyes struggled to get accustomed to the brightness of the room. It took a few moments before she could open her eyes. Once they were open, she noticed she was in a hospital room. Her eyes zeroed in on Josh. He was sitting at her bedside, his hands tightly clasped around her left hand and his head resting up against her body.

She could see that he was fast asleep, but it wasn't a peaceful sleep. He had the same look on his face that he always got when he was having a nightmare. Thankfully he didn't have many of those about Rosslyn anymore, but they did happen occasionally. Whether the nightmare was about Rosslyn or her she didn't know, but she suspected the latter.

Every part of her body hurt and she looked over at her right wrist, wondering how bad that was. She desperately wanted to wake Josh up—not just to get him out of his nightmare but also to find out what happened to her and the First Lady. She was fairly certain that she had lost the baby. The odds of miscarrying after what happened were too high. And she remembered seeing how bad the First lady looked in the back of the car.

She tried to speak, tried to make some kind of noise to wake him up. But she found that her mouth was so dry that nothing came out. Her eyelids started feeling heavy and before long she found herself going back under.

* * *

Josh paced around the small hospital room. It was now morning. He hadn't been able to sleep much during the night. He had a terrible nightmare about losing Donna. Once he woke up from that, it was difficult to get back to sleep again because he was afraid it would happen again. Plus he wanted to be awake when she woke up. They told him she would most likely wake up in the morning. Now it was just a matter of waiting.

When his phone rang, he debated not answering it, but pulled it out of his pocket anyway. "Josh Lyman."

"Josh, it's Sam. How is Donna?"

He was relieved to hear his friends' voice. "She isn't awake yet but the doctors are optimistic about her recovery."

"And the…"

He understood Sam's hesitancy to bring up the baby. "No, the baby didn't make it."

"I'm so sorry."

"Thanks." He could tell that Sam was sincere. "But it could have been worse."

"Yeah." Sam agreed. "I suppose so but it still has to hurt. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"Josh…"

"I'm really fine." He said, not sure if he was trying to convince himself or Sam. He walked over to the window and looked out. Now that it was brighter outside he was able to see more of Vancouver than last night.

"I hate to say it but I don't believe you." Sam countered.

"What do you want me to say?" Josh sighed. "That I'm a wreck? That I hate this situation? That I am petrified I'll somehow still lose Donna? That I'm devastated about losing the baby? How will that help anything?"

"You can't keep your emotions held inside." Sam counseled. "You're going to have to let them out."

"My emotions can wait." Josh sighed. "Donna is what is most important right now."

"Ok. I can see you are going down the avoidance route." Sam chuckled.

"How are things going there?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Did you see our statement?"

"Yeah. What happened during the press briefing this morning?"

"We didn't have one." Sam stated plainly.

"What?" He couldn't believe that. It was highly unlikely to cancel the press briefing. "Why not?"

"The President ordered it." Sam explained. "He doesn't want any more details going out to the press right now."

"Well CJ could have just deflected questions."

"That's what we all thought too. But we were overruled." Sam sighed.

"Is the President ok? I mean, I know he's not great considering the situation. But is he having an MS flare-up?"

"No. At least we don't think so. He's been secluding himself in the residence with his daughters. The only one of Senior Staff that's been able to see him has been Leo. But Leo assures us that the President is fine. He's just grieving."

"Well he's certainly allowed to do that but he has to let up on the press block. It won't take much for the republicans to jump on him and criticize his actions."

"It's already started." Sam chuckled.

"Are all press briefings canceled today?" Josh asked.

"Yeah. We can't even issue any statements. It's a total blackout."

"This is the wrong move." For a moment he wished he was there to convince the President, but it was more important for him to be with Donna. "He needs to be getting out ahead of this. I'm not saying parade his grief around, but there needs to be some statements going out."

"I agree."

"What does Leo say about it?"

"He says not to worry about it and it is only temporary." Sam explained. "He thinks the President just needs some time and will snap out of it soon."

"I hope so." He looked over and saw Donna staring at him. "Sam, I gotta go. Donna's awake." He didn't even wait for Sam to respond before hanging up the phone and rushing to her side. "Hey there. Boy am I glad to see you." He smiled, before kissing her forehead.

She slowly lifted her hand to her throat and it took him a second to realize what she was doing. "You want some water?"

She nodded.

He rushed to get a cup filled with water and put a straw in it. He held it up to her lips and waited while she took several sips. When she was done he put the cup on the table next to the bed. There was no telling how long she had been awake before he realized it and he wondered how much she heard of his conversation with Sam.

"How are you feeling?" He realized it was a stupid question but he couldn't help asking.

She closed her eyes for a moment. "Some pain."

"Do you want me to get the nurse?" He didn't want to leave her side now that she was awake but he would if she needed something.

"No. It's fine." She shook her head. "You need to shave." Her hand reached up to touch his face.

He couldn't help but smile. "I've been a little busy."

"The baby is gone, right?" She asked.

The smile left his face. "Yeah." He watched as she closed her eyes tightly and bit her lip. She always did that when she was trying not to cry. He grabbed her left hand and started rubbing small circles on her palm. "I'm sorry. But the good news is that you are going to be alright."

She didn't say anything for a long time and kept her eyes shut. After a while he wondered if she fell back asleep.

"What's wrong with my wrist?" She finally asked.

"A piece of shrapnel severed the artery and some muscles. They have apparently repaired what they can but you might need another surgery to finish repairing it completely. There may be some permanent damage, but it's too soon to tell." He kept watching her reaction to these things. He wasn't sure what he expected, but he didn't expect her to be so calm and collected about everything. It was almost alarming in some ways.

"And the First Lady?" She asked. "How is she?"

He paused for a moment. There was no way he could lie to her about the First Lady. He wanted to though, just to give her a break from bad news. But then she would know that he had lied and it would become worse than just telling her the truth from the start.

"I'm afraid she didn't make it." He started to explain.

"What?" She scoffed. "No. You're wrong. You've got to be wrong."

"I'm not wrong." He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I know how close you two were. But she died in surgery." He watched her reaction as she stared off to the side was about to say something else when the door opened.

"Well hello!" The nurse greeted with a friendly smile. "It's nice to see you are awake. How are you feeling?"

"She said she's in some pain." He spoke for her.

"Well let's get that under control then." The nurse nodded. "I have to change her bandages and stuff like that. Why don't you go get something to eat or even take a walk to get out of the room?"

"I can stay." He argued.

"It's not necessary." The nurse insisted, practically shooing him away.

He leaned down and kissed Donna on the forehead. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be right here." She said in a deadpan voice.


	8. Chapter 8

Hold Me Now

Part Eight

Josh went out to the courtyard area of the hospital and dialed a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Leo, what's going on with the President?"

"Josh." Leo sighed. "Why aren't you with Donna?"

"Her nurse kicked me out of the room for a moment." He explained. "So what is going on with him? Sam says he is holed up in the residence."

"He's going to be fine." Leo assured.

"It's a little hard to believe that when he is calling for a media blackout and canceling press briefings." Josh argued.

"We're letting him grieve in his own way. Ok?" Leo explained. "Are you going to tell the President that he can't grieve the death of his wife?"

"No." He sighed. "Of course not. But someone has to tell him that this strategy is weakening his position."

"Don't you think I know that?" Leo argued. "Because of course I know that, Josh. I'm not happy about this either, but it's what the President wants and what he needs right now. Trust me. I have it under control."

"It's a little hard to believe from where I'm standing." He sighed. "That's all I'm saying."

"Do you think you could do better?" Leo scoffed. "Because I highly doubt it."

"I'm not saying I could do better. I think I could do it differently though."

"Kid, you are skating on a very thin piece of ice with me right now." Leo warned in a low voice.

He recognized that tone and the warning his statement made. When Leo called anyone else kid, it was a term of endearment. Somehow, when kid was directed towards him it became a warning. This would usually be the time in the conversation when Josh would leave Leo's office. He sighed.

"Look Leo, I'm sure you are doing everything you can. I mean no disrespect. It's just that this is uncharted territory."

"I know that." Leo agreed.

"Have you made any progress on finding out who did this?"

"We know who and have options to retaliate." Leo explained. "But that's all I can say since you aren't on a secured line."

"Fair enough."

"How's Donna?"

"She is awake." He reported. "And she knows what happened."

"How is she taking it?"

"It's hard to tell." He said truthfully.

"It's going to take some time, for both of you." Leo told him. "How are you?"

"Great." He scoffed.

"You need to take care of yourself too." Leo told him. "But I have to go. Feel free to call and question my actions again."

He laughed as the phone went dead. He wasn't sure how long the nurse needed with Donna. Although he wanted to go back, he didn't want the nurse kicking him out again. So he decided to sit out on a nearby bench for a moment.

* * *

"You are a very lucky woman." The nurse told her as she was changing the bandage on her wrist.

"Really?" She questioned. "How so?"

"Well to begin with, you are the sole survivor of the attack." The nurse told her.

"What?" That was news to her.

"I'm sorry. I thought you knew."

She knew that the First Lady was dead. But not the others. "You mean the Secret Service agents are dead too?"

"Yes." The nurse nodded. "I'm sorry. I really thought you knew."

"I only knew about the First Lady." She explained.

"Well it's not just that which makes you lucky. I'm also talking about the devotion of your husband. The nurse I replaced earlier this morning told me he's been by your side non-stop since he got here. He must really love you."

"Yeah." She nodded. "He must."

"I know this can't be an easy time for you." The nurse continued to babble on. "My mother used to always say that we never truly know what we are made of until times of trouble. I believe in that. It's easy to be strong when you have no problems. It's a lot harder when things go wrong."

She started to tune out the nurse and focused on other things. She hated that their baby was lost. It wasn't a surprise though. She knew from almost the time the car started to flip that the baby wasn't going to be able to survive the attack. The confirmation still tore her into pieces though and she couldn't help but wonder if Josh was upset with her. After all, he didn't want her to go to the conference. He thought it was too dangerous from the beginning. He asked her several times if she would stay home or cancel it. But she refused to believe that there was any credible danger.

And look where that led her.

The baby was gone, the First Lady was gone and the Secret Service agents were gone. Her wrist was all messed up and she was in a Canadian hospital. She wouldn't be able to blame him if he was mad at her. She was mad at herself.

She and the First Lady were so singularly focused on getting this initiative started that they didn't see the danger. Maybe they did on some level but they pushed it aside, believing they were invincible.

They weren't.

She thought about the President and his daughters. They must be in so much pain right now. Abbey was everything to them. She was the glue that held them all together when things fell apart. Her heart broke for them.

"Can I get you anything?" The nurse asked.

She looked over at the woman and shook her head. "No thank you."

"Ok. Just hit the button if you need me."

She watched the nurse leave her room and let out the biggest sigh she could without causing pain. It was hard to believe she was the only one who survived the attack. It really made her wonder why. Why was she spared?

She wasn't an overly religious person. Sure she was raised with religion and believed in God. But she didn't know if she believed in providence or whether things happen for a reason. What was the point of all the death from this attack? Was God trying to tell her something? And if so, what? And what if it was just something that happened and there was no reasoning behind it? What then?

The whole thing was giving her a headache. She resigned herself to her exhaustion and closed her eyes.

* * *

When she woke up again, she saw Josh sitting next to her. He had the television on low and was watching MSNBC Canada. They were showing a news story about Abbey Bartlet's life, while also commenting on the attack.

"It's important to point out that this is the first time in history that any First Lady of the United States has been assassinated." The man on TV said.

"And let's be clear. That's what this was. It was not some accident. Whoever filed that rocket launcher knew exactly what they were doing and who they were targeting." The woman chimed in.

"Exactly. And it's going to be interesting to see how the United States picks up the pieces from an attack like this. It's unprecedented." The man spoke.

"Of course our thoughts and prayers go out to President Bartlet, as well as the families of the Secret Service agents and the family of the only survivor of the brutal attack, Donnatella Moss." The woman paused. "Ms. Moss has been the First Lady's Chief of Staff for over a year and half now, also previously worked in the White House and is married to the President's Deputy Chief of Staff, Josh Lyman. With so many ties to the White House, one can imagine the staff feel like they have been hit with a double sucker-punch to the gut right now."

"That's right, Sheryl." The man spoke up. "And surprisingly the White House has been silent. The only statement they have put out was the blanket statement announcing the attack and the First Lady's death.

They flashed the screen to a graphic with the statement on there as the man read it.

"It is with a heavy heart that the White House announces that the car containing the First Lady, her Chief of Staff and three Secret Service agents was attacked by an unknown assailant with a rocket launcher as they were making their way to the airport to return back to Washington, D.C. tonight. The three Secret Service agents, Sean Delaney, Michael Holsapple and Brent Hosler died at the scene. The First Lady's Chief of Staff, Donnatella Moss, is in stable condition at a hospital in Vancouver. Although the doctors did everything they could, they were not able to save the First Lady's life. Abbey Bartlet passed away around 12:30am Vancouver time. We ask that you respect the privacy of those families involved in this tragedy as they take time to deal with their loss."

"Any idea when the White House might make another comment or release any other details?" Sheryl asked.

"No. There has been no attempt all day to give the press any other details, which has prompted some in America to wonder if President Bartlet is hiding something. Some are speculating that this shock has caused a flare up with his Multiple Sclerosis. Others are simply wondering if he is able to lead the country right now or if he is too far gone into his grief. Keep in mind that there has been no update about if they have leads on who orchestrated this attack or what the plans are to find out that information. There are a couple of groups claiming responsibility. The American people need some kind of leadership right now and they aren't getting that from the President."

"It is understandable." Sheryl spoke up. "The man did just lose his wife."

"I agree it is understandable but the American people are not going to be understanding for long."

"That's what I keep saying too." Josh said quietly, shaking his head.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to alert him to the fact that she was awake. She tuned out the television for a moment and just focused on watching him. He was clearly frustrated with the way the President was handling things. She could see it on his face. He thought he could make a difference and swing things in a different direction.

But he was here with her instead of back in D.C. where all of the action was.

She knew that he loved her, which meant that he would stay here as long as necessary. She also knew that he loved being able to fix things and influence others. It must be killing him not to be there to help with this crisis.

It was almost like he knew she was watching him because he turned his head to look at her. "You're up." He immediately turned off the television and threw the remote onto the bed. "How are you doing?"

"Fine." She told him. "So what is the President doing?"

He looked over at the television and then back at her. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough to know that the team needs you." She explained.

"Leo has it under control." He assured her.

"Oh really? It doesn't look like it." She started to laugh but was still sore so she winced a little.

"You ok?"

"Just sore." She saw the concern in his eyes and it broke her heart. She hated that he was worried about her. "Why isn't Leo pushing the President more? He needs to let CJ speak to the press."

"I agree." He nodded his head. "But Leo assures me that he knows what he is doing and I'm trusting that he does."

"Leo's making a mistake." She pointed out. "I know it and you know it. I see it in your eyes."

"It's Leo's mistake to make though." He admitted. "And there isn't anything I can do from 3,000 miles away. They are smart people. They will figure it out."

"And if they don't?" She questioned.

"They will." He assured her. "Now let's stop talking about this for a moment. You shouldn't worry about it right now. You shouldn't be worrying about anything. You need to be relaxing and healing."

"I'm just saying that they need you." She sighed.

"Not as much as you need me."

"I'll be fine." She pointed out.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No." She assured him, but honestly she wasn't sure at this point. "All I'm saying is that they need you. The President needs you. And all I'm going to be doing is lounging in bed until they dismiss me so that I can come home. So you could…"

"No I can't." He interrupted her. "And I can't believe this. You are trying to get rid of me. Why?"

"You place a lot of your self-worth on being able to fix things." She explained. "There's nothing you can do to fix me right now. But you could fix the situation with the President."

"I'm not leaving you behind and going back to D.C."

"I'm just saying I would understand if you did." She sighed.

He stood up and shook his head. "I can't believe you are trying to get me to leave. I flew out here on Air Force One with the President as soon as Leo told me what happened. I didn't stop for red lights. I have stayed by your bed this whole time. All because I love you."

His voice started to get louder as he continued. "And yes, I do feel like I could fix what's happening back home. But I'm not leaving you because you are more important to me than my stupid job. So stop trying to get rid of me. Ok?"

She was surprised at the fact that he was practically yelling at her.

He took one look at her face and softened immediately, sitting back down next to her. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I shouldn't have yelled. I just…I don't want to leave you. Ok?"

"Ok." She nodded. "I just wanted to give you the option."

"As far I am concerned, it isn't an option."


	9. Chapter 9

Hold Me Now

Part Nine

A few hours later, Donna heard Josh's cell phone going off. Looking over and seeing it on the bed, she realized he forgot to take it with him when he left the hospital to get dinner. She thought about ignoring it but decided it might be important. She reached with her left hand and grabbed it.

"Josh Lyman's phone."

"Donna? Is that you?"

"Hey Sam." She greeted.

"How are you?" He asked. "Everyone has been so worried."

"I don't honestly know anymore." She chuckled softly. "But I'm alive so that's a start."

"It's a very good start." There was silence on the phone for a moment. "Look, is Josh around? I feel bad about interrupting, but I wanted to ask his advice on something."

"He actually isn't here. He went out to get us food that isn't from the hospital cafeteria but forgot his phone." She explained. "And you aren't interrupting anything. It's actually boring being in the hospital. What's going on?"

"I'm trying to work on crafting statements for if or when the President lifts the media ban. I wanted a second opinion about a line." He explained.

"I can give you the second opinion if you want." She offered.

"Are you sure?"

He sounded hesitant and she could understand why. It had to do with this situation and he didn't want to trigger her. "Yes. Or you could wait for Josh to come back."

"What do you think of this line?" He asked, pausing for a moment. "It is times like these that remind us our leaders are also people. People who love their family, love their friends and grieve the same kind of loses as everyone else. It's easy to criticize leaders when they don't act the way we want them to in times of trouble. But we must remember that our leaders are human."

He paused again before speaking. "I'm just not sure if I should put that in or not. I feel like there needs to be some kind of explanation for why the President hasn't made any statements though. What do you think?"

She thought about it for a moment. "I think you do need to mention something, but I'm not sure that's the right wording. Maybe it should be something like this. It is times like these which remind us that the people we have elected to lead us are only human. They are humans who experience the same emotions as everyone else during times of crisis—love, grief, anger and disbelief. This situation serves as an example of that fact. It's easy to criticize our leaders for their actions or perceived inactions. It is much harder to recognize our leaders are doing the best they can with the circumstances they are given."

"Wow." Sam scoffed. "I like that a lot better."

She looked over at the doorway and saw Josh there, staring at her.

"Thanks Donna."

"You're welcome Sam." She said. "Josh just came in. Do you want to talk to him?"

"No." Sam laughed. "I doubt he could come up with something better than you just did."

"Ok. Bye." She said before hanging up.

"What did Sam want?" Josh asked, coming in to the room and setting the bag of food on the bedside table.

"He wanted your help on a statement." She explained. "But you forgot your cell phone."

"What you said…"

"I know." She shook her head. "It was stupid."

"No." He shook his head. "It was really good."

She couldn't help but smile a little. "Really?"

"Really." He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss.

"You know, this shows that they need you." She mentioned. "He called wanting your opinion."

"No." He shook his head. "Not this again. We aren't having this conversation again. What am I supposed to do? Leave my wife completely alone while she is in the hospital to go to work?"

"Knock knock."

Donna looked over at the doorway and smiled widely. "Mom? What are you doing here?" She watched as her mom strode into the room and headed straight for the other side of her bed.

"I know you both said I didn't have to come but I couldn't help it, Donnatella." Gabriella Moss explained. "You are my daughter and you were almost killed. I had to see for myself that you are alright."

"It's good to see you, mom." She smiled.

"Yes, it is good to see you Gabby." Josh chimed in.

"Sweetheart, how are you?" Gabby asked.

"I'll be ok." She shouldn't have been surprised that her mom showed up. It seemed like her mom always knew when she needed her.

"You gave your father and I quite a scare." Gabby told her.

"It wasn't my intention." She shrugged.

"We were about to have dinner." Josh spoke up. "I have more than enough. You're more than welcome to have some."

"Thank you Josh." Gabby said, turning her head to smile at him.

* * *

Later that night Josh was on his way back to the hospital. He had found his mother in law a hotel room and got her settled in. He was surprised to see her, but he shouldn't have been. Of course her mother would want to check on her. She had bed timing though. At the time he wanted to finish the conversation with Donna about how he wasn't going to leave her to go back to D.C.

He wasn't sure why Donna seemed so convinced he should leave. Was she trying to push him away? Did she truly not want him around right now? All he wanted was to try and help her get through this. But she seemed like she was fine.

Other than her initial reaction to the loss of their child and the death of the First Lady, there wasn't any other reaction. There was no crying, no talking about it and just an overall avoidance of the subjects in relation to her feelings.

He knew she had to have feelings about it. He did.

The fact that she wasn't sharing her feelings concerned him.

He walked back into her hospital room and saw she was flipping through channels on the television. "Well your mom is safely in her hotel for the evening." He went over and sat in the chair next to her.

"Thank you." She smiled at him. "I appreciate you making sure she was taken care of."

"Why do I get the feeling she still doesn't like me much?" He asked with a slight chuckle.

She grinned. "Don't take it personally. She just doesn't like that it took you so long to realize your feelings for me. She'll come around. After all, at least now she calls you Josh instead of Mr. Lyman."

"It is progress." He conceded.

"You know you don't have to stay here at the hospital tonight." She told him. "I know that chair can't be comfortable."

"I don't mind." He assured her. "Besides, if I was in a hotel I wouldn't be able to sleep because I would want to be here with you."

"That's sweet, but you can't keep sleeping in that chair."

"Maybe they have a cot they could bring in. I can go see." He got up from the chair and was going to go check with the nurse when she called out.

"Josh…"

He turned around. "Yeah?"

"Before you go check, we need to talk."

Those were the words he had been waiting to hear. He immediately sat back down. "Ok. Yeah. We do need to talk. So let's talk."

"Can I go first?" She asked.

"Absolutely." He grabbed her left hand. "What's on your mind?"

"Well my mom is here now, which means that you could go back to D.C."

He sighed. This wasn't what he wanted to talk about. "No. Donna, I don't get it. Why are you so gung-ho about me leaving you?"

"It's not necessarily that I want you to leave me." She explained.

"You sure about that? It sure feels that way because every time I turn around you are trying to push me out the door! Are you mad at me or something?"

"No." She shook her head. "I'm not mad at you. I loved that you were here when I woke up and I love that you are trying to take care of me now. But I have nurses that can bring me what I need and I now have my mom to keep me company. There isn't much for you to do here, but there is back home. The President and the team need you."

"You need me too." He tried to tell her.

"But you can't sit there and tell me that you don't want to go and fix things. This is the biggest crisis the President has ever faced. I know you. I know you already have a strategy planned out in your mind for how to get the President through this without him losing the support of the American people or Congress. Don't you?"

"That's…" He couldn't tell her that she was wrong because he did have a strategy. It wasn't fully formed but the bare bones of it was there. "That's not the point."

"That is exactly the point." She calmly argued, squeezing his hand. "I'm going to be fine. The doctors say I'll be released in one or two more days. Then I'll be back in D.C. But the President can't wait one or two more days. He needs you now before this thing goes sideways more than it already has. Every hour he stays silent and refuses to let the team engage with the media is another hour that he loses support."

"I don't know if I feel comfortable leaving you though." He admitted. "With everything that has happened, we haven't had a chance to really talk about it."

"I know." She nodded. "But I'm not ready to talk about it yet."

He couldn't get upset with her about that. If she wasn't ready to talk then he wasn't going to push her. He was quiet for a moment as he considered his options.

He could stay with her. She would likely be upset that he was staying with her instead of going to help the team get the President through this crisis. He would be happy that he was with her. Yet he couldn't say that he wasn't torn about being so far away from the White House at a time like this.

He could go back to D.C. without her. He could go and make sure that the President didn't mess up and ruin every piece of political goodwill he had with the American people and Congress. After all, they still had plenty of time left in his second term. If he wanted to get anything done, he had to make sure he didn't mess this up. He would be glad to be making a difference but would torn about being so far away from Donna at a time like this.

What if he left and she ended up resenting him for it?

It was a no win situation.

"You think this is a no win situation, don't you?" She said.

"How did you do that?" He marveled. "How did you read my mind?"

"You're just getting predictable in your old age." She teased. "But honestly I just know you. This isn't a trap. I'm not going to resent you for leaving. I knew how much you love your job when I married you and these are extraordinary circumstances. In any other circumstance you would stay here. But you need to go. I know it and you know it too."

"I don't want to leave you though."

"It's just for a day or two." She reminded him.

"And this is really what you want?"

She was quiet for a moment. "Yes."

He was getting to the point where he didn't have it in him to keep fighting her on this. He sighed heavily. "Ok. Fine. You win. I'll go back to the White House."


	10. Chapter 10

Hold Me Now

Part Ten

"I still can't believe he left and went back to D.C." Gabby commented with a heavy sigh.

Donna looked over at her mom. She told her mom about Josh going back to D.C. last night. Ever since then her mom had been talking about how inconsiderate it was of him. It was a morning filled with her talking badly about him. It had to stop. "I told him to leave. He has a very important job."

"That may be, but his most important job is to stay here with his wife who almost died." Gabby corrected her.

"I don't want to get into an argument with you about this anymore, mom. You don't like that he left. I understand that but the fact is that he was hesitant to go. I had to practically push him out the door."

"He shouldn't have left." Gabby sighed again. "Why on Earth would you make him leave?"

"It's complicated." She knew her mom would have a problem with Josh leaving but at this point she didn't care. While a large part of her wanted Josh to go, she couldn't help but feel sad that he wasn't constantly sitting in the chair next to her, alternating between staring at her and flipping through the television. But she did tell him to leave so it was her own fault for him not being here.

She thought that making him leave would help things. That maybe if she made him go back home and help the President through this she would feel less guilty about her role in this situation. That maybe she wouldn't feel suffocated by the guilt or drown in her own sadness.

So far it wasn't working.

At least he was able to get the President to lift the media ban. They had gone back to having regular press briefings again. It was all over the television. She knew he could do it and was proud of him.

* * *

Josh sat in his office, going over some papers. It was extremely difficult to leave Donna last night and come back to the White House. At least her mom was with her and she wasn't alone. There was absolutely no way he would have left her alone.

It seemed important to her that he come back now instead of waiting until she was released from the hospital. He wasn't entirely sure why it was so important though. She claimed it was because he loved his job and he was the only person who could help the President. He wasn't sure that was the truth though. Leo could have gotten through to the President. And he did love his job. But he also loved Donna.

It was killing him to not be there with her. After what happened he didn't want to let her out of his sight. But last night he was too tired to fight anymore so he grabbed the first plane out and came back home.

It was a strange feeling walking into their home without her and an even stranger feeling going to bed without her. The only reason he was able to get any sleep was because he was exhausted. Even with the exhaustion of everything that had happened over the last couple of days, he was only able to get four hours of sleep.

He came to the White House early this morning and headed straight to Leo. Leo filled him in on everything before he headed up to the residence. It wasn't guaranteed that the President would speak to him so early or even at all since Leo was the only one of Senior Staff that had been in contact. Fortunately the President agreed to talk to him.

"_Josh, what are you doing here?" Jed asked as he entered the bedroom. "Is Donna alright?"_

"_She is fine. She is with her mother back in Vancouver. The doctors think she will be released soon." He explained, feeling weird to be talking about how Donna will be alright when Abbey is dead._

"_So then what are you doing here? Why aren't you still in Vancouver with her?" _

_He had been fine-tuning what he was going to say on the plane because he knew the President was going to ask him that. "I've been worried about your response to everything. Donna understands that and actually was the one who pushed me to come back early." _

"_And what's so wrong about my response that it has you flying across the country?" _

"_I understand that you are having a rough time considering everything that has happened. I don't know what it feels like to be in your shoes, but I can guess. And if my guess is even one fourth of the way correct, then…well I can see why you would isolate yourself from everyone else up in here and just surround yourself with your girls. I don't want to seem insensitive. I know you need time to grieve and you need time to help your girls grieve as well. But the fact remains that you aren't just their father. You are also the father of this country and every American needs you too." _

"_Josh…" _

"_They need you to be strong, even if it is just a façade. They need to see that you are still in control of this country and that you are ready to lead them. They are mourning the First Lady as well, and they are worried. This was an assassination. Those thankfully don't happen in the United States often. But when they do, Americans expect some kind of action to calm their fears and show that those responsible will be punished."_

_He knew from Leo that intelligence sources pointed to the Libyan Islamic Fighting Group being behind the attack with help from al-Qaeda. The President needed to approve one of the plans that he was certain existed as retaliation for the attack. But first he needed to get the President to lift the media ban and come out from the residence. _

_He watched the President's face for clues about whether he was going to be yelled at or agreed with concerning the speech. The President's face didn't give away any clues and he grew nervous waiting for a response. _

"_I know I have a duty to the public." Jed sighed. "And you are right. I need to show everyone I'm still in control. It's just that Abbey was my compass. Ironically, she would know exactly what to do in this situation." _

"_I think lifting the media ban and having press briefings again would be a good start." He commented. "We can ease you into everything else." _

As soon as he got the President to agree to life the media ban, his first thought was to call Donna and tell her about it. But then he remembered the time difference and stopped himself. He looked at the clock and saw that it was 11am in Vancouver. He could call her now.

He picked up the phone but put it back down when he saw Sam appear in the doorway.

"I'm surprised to see you here." Sam commented, coming in and sitting down.

"Yeah, I have been getting that a lot today." He sighed. "Donna wanted me to come back so I came back. But her mother is there so it isn't like I left her completely alone."

"You don't have to justify it to me." Sam assured him.

"I'm worried about her."

"I thought you said she would be released soon."

"I'm more worried about her mental state than physical state." He noted. "She doesn't seem to be acknowledging what happened."

"Donna's tough. She'll be ok."

"Yeah." He wasn't convinced but decided to let it drop for now. "What brings you by?"

"Leo said we are to have a Senior Staff meeting in the Oval in ten minutes." Sam explained.

"Ok. I have to make a phone call first but I'll be there."

"Sounds good." Sam got up and started to leave but stopped when he got to the door and turned around. "You know, it's just a thought and I could completely wrong about it. But maybe Donna is afraid to deal with what happened. Look at what happened with you after you were shot. It took a long time for you to acknowledge everything."

"Are you saying I should call Stanley and set up a session for her?"

Sam shook his head. "I'm just saying that you should just continue to be there for her. She'll deal with everything in her own way and her own time, just like you did."

"Thanks." He waited until Sam was gone before picking up the phone again. He quickly dialed her cell phone, glad that it had survived and was returned to her yesterday.

"Hello?" Donna greeted.

"Hey." He greeted back, relieved to hear her voice. "How are you doing?"

"I'm ok. I saw that you got the President to release the media ban. It's all over the news here."

"What are our Canadian friends saying about it?" He couldn't help but be interested. Having spent some time watching television up there, he had grown used to it. They had a unique perspective on the United States.

"Basically they are glad to see that our President is finally acting like a President again. Though they do wish he would make a personal statement about what happened and what is going to happen." She explained.

"I wish that too." He sighed. "But it is important not to push him too much right now. At least we are having a Senior Staff meeting in a few minutes. That's progress."

"See?" She chuckled. "I knew you should be there. You're doing a great job."

"I want to be there with you though."

Her voice got quiet. "There's nothing for you to do here though. At least there you are productive and making a difference. Can we please not fight about this again?"

"I don't want to fight." He told her honestly. "I just want to make sure you know that I really wanted to be with you."

"I know that."

"How is your mom?"

She laughed. "You picked a good time to call because she is out grabbing some coffee. She is so mad at you for leaving. Apparently she doesn't care that I asked you to go."

"Great." He was starting to think he had made some progress getting Donna's mother to like him. Looks like he may have gone back to square one.

"It will blow over." She assured him. "Are you still upset with me?"

Her question surprised him. "Why would I be upset with you?"

"I practically shoved you out the door last night." She explained. "I just wanted to make sure we were ok."

"We are." He hated to think that she was worried about that. "Look, I know things are weird right now but we are ok. Right? I mean, you know I love you."

"I know." She said in a quiet voice. "And I love you."

"Then everything is going to be fine."

"Ok."

He could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't convinced. He looked at his watch and saw that he needed to get going. "I have a meeting with the President I have to get to right now. But I'll call you later."

"Sounds good."

He hated hanging up but knew he couldn't miss the meeting.

* * *

"You are making a very fast recovery." Dr. Petty marveled while looking at her chart.

"So when can I get out of here?" She asked. She had been making a list of everything that needed to be done and she wanted to get started on it as soon as possible. There was only so much she could do from across the country.

The staff in the First Lady's office was a mess right now. She called them this afternoon and wasn't surprised that they were freaking out. They weren't sure what they should be doing or even if they still had jobs.

To be completely honest, she wasn't sure what the future held for the First Lady's staff. This was all new to her. But she knew she had to take control. She did her best to calm everyone down and assure them that things were going to be alright. She gave them some nonsense assignments to keep them busy until she could figure out what the game plan was going to for them.

"I'd say if your blood work comes back clear and your ct scan looks good in the morning, we might be able to release you tomorrow." Dr. Petty explained.

"But that's so soon." Gabby marveled. "Are you sure it would be ok?"

"Yes." He nodded. "Your daughter is healing nicely. The only thing that still needs to heal is her wrist, but that will take time and she'll need to find a specialist back home to monitor. There is still a very high chance that she will need to have another surgery or two to repair all of the damage. But that isn't a good reason to keep her in the hospital so far away from home."

"Thank you Dr." She smiled, waiting until he left the room to look over at her mom. "Shouldn't you be glad I can get out of the hospital?"

"Oh of course I am!" Gabby insisted. "You should know that. It's just that…well we almost lost you. I don't want you to get released until you're fine."

"I am fine." She insisted. In reality she didn't feel fine. But she figured she would fake it until it became the truth.


	11. Chapter 11

Hold Me Now

Part Eleven

"Thank you for getting me some clothes." Donna told her mom the next morning as her mom helped her get the shirt on. It was tricky to get the shirt on with her wrist still immobilized. It was a good thing she had clothes at home that would be a little easier to get on while she recovered.

"It's no problem." Gabby assured her.

"And thank you for coming to stay with me. It was unnecessary but appreciated." She handed her mom the sling so she could help her with that too. As soon as the doctor came back with her release paperwork and instructions, she could go home. She had made a flight reservation for her mom to go back to Wisconsin and one for her to go back to D.C. By her calculations she should be back home by 6pm.

"Where else was I going to be?" Gabby asked. "You know, I'm still not certain that the doctor should release you yet though."

"Why not? My lung isn't collapsed anymore and my wrist isn't great but it's got good blood flow and isn't something that needs to be monitored all day long. I'll be fine."

"But are you going to do the physical therapy that the doctor mentioned earlier?" Gabby asked. "And follow up with a specialist?"

"Of course." She assured her mom.

"Because that's the only way you'll get full use of your wrist back."

"I am aware of that." She nodded.

Gabby sighed deeply. "What does Mr. Lyman think of you being released?"

She couldn't help but chuckle about the fact that Josh was in the doghouse with her mom to the point where she has gone back to calling him Mr. Lyman. Josh wasn't going to think it was funny though.

"He…well he will be happy."

"You mean you haven't told him?"

"Well not exactly." She shrugged. "He knows I'm going to be released soon. He just doesn't know that it's this soon."

"Why haven't you told him?" Gabby asked. "Are you two having problems?"

She sighed. There was absolutely no way she could tell her mom the truth, that things with Josh were complicated. That would lead to her mom asking more questions and she would feel like she needed to tell her mom about the baby that she lost. And she didn't want to talk about that.

"We aren't having problems." She lied. "I just want to surprise him. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing I guess." Gabby replied. "I just get the sense that something is going on."

"Nothing else is going on." She assured. Thankfully the doctor came back in at that moment. "So can I go now?"

Dr. Petty laughed. "You are that unhappy with our hospital?"

"No." She shook her head. "You guys have all been wonderful. I just want to go home."

"That's understandable." He nodded. "Like I said earlier, all of your tests are back to normal. You shouldn't have any residual problems from the collapsed lung but if you experience chest pain or shortness of breath I'd like you to go to the ER just to be safe."

"Absolutely." She nodded.

"And I know you have to fly home. There are conflicting reports about whether it is safe or not so soon after a collapsed lung. I personally think given your level of recovery you should be fine. But let the flight attendants know about the situation when you board the plane just in case. And for your wrist, I have the name of a specialist in your area on your discharge notes. I have already called his office to let him know that you will be scheduling an appointment with him. You should try to see him within 7-10 days so he can check out the blood flow and your recovery. I also have some physical therapy locations on the discharge instructions too. It's important that you start that as soon as possible."

"Thank you." She said, taking the papers from him.

"You're going to need to rest for at least a week. No strenuous activities because your body has been through a lot."

"Understood." She nodded. A part of her wondered if that meant she shouldn't go back to work. But ultimately it didn't matter. She had to go back to work. There were too many people depending on her in the First Lady's office.

"Well with that, you are officially discharged." Dr. Petty smiled.

"Thank you for everything." She told Dr. Petty, shaking his hand with her left hand.

"You are very welcome." He said, giving them both one last smile before leaving the room.

"Are you ready to go?" Gabby asked.

"Yes I am." She smiled.

* * *

Josh pushed papers from one side of his desk to another in hopes of finding his pen. He knew he had it a moment ago, but now it seemed to have disappeared.

"Do you have a moment?" C.J. asked as she entered his office.

"Not really." He looked up at her. "Have you seen my pen? I can't seem to find it."

"Are you talking about the pen that is in your hand right now?" C.J. asked, pointing to his right hand.

He looked down and saw that she was right. His pen was in his hand the entire time. "Damn. I must be losing my mind."

"You can't lose what you don't have to begin with." She teased.

He glared at her. "What do you want?"

"What's wrong with you?" She asked.

"I haven't been able to reach Donna or her mother for the past half hour and I can't get a hold of anyone in the nurses' station at the hospital." He explained.

"And you are worried."

"Yeah." He sighed, putting his pen down on the desk. "I mean, when I called Donna earlier she seemed fine. I just worry that something happened between then and now."

"I'm sure she is fine." C.J. assured him. "But maybe this isn't the best time for this conversation."

"No." He sighed "You're here so we might as well talk. What conversation?"

"I wanted to continue the conversation we had this morning in Senior Staff about Donna…"

"No." He refused, not letting her finish her thought. "No way, C.J. I'm not asking her to sit down and give an interview about what it was like to be thrown around in that car. I'm not asking her to answer personal, private questions about what happened. It's a non-starter."

"Hear me out on this. You've been doing a good job. The President is getting better about letting the media back in. I'll give him that much. Resuming the press briefings yesterday and allowing a few statements to go out have helped. But you and I both know that isn't enough. Unless he is willing to go on live television or even taped television and talk about what happened, the fact remains that the press is still going to skewer us in all of the newspapers and television shows."

"So we should send Donna out there instead? Just throw her to the wolves?" He sighed. "It isn't fair that she should have to do that. She shouldn't have to relive it on national television!"

"No she shouldn't." C. J. agreed. "And believe me, I'm not happy about asking either. But the fact remains the Republicans are out there trashing us every minute of the day that they can because they think we are being secretive. They are creating an atmosphere where the press is starting to wonder if the military actions the President is employing are necessary."

"The First Lady is dead! She was murdered along with three Secret Service agents and Donna was almost killed." He yelled. "How anyone can say action isn't warranted is beyond me."

"I understand that and I feel the same way. But this is politics. And the visual optics of remaining silent on the topics that the press want to know more than anything are awful."

"Screw politics, C.J.!" He yelled.

C.J. took a deep breath and paused for a moment. "I know you don't really mean that. Believe me, if there was any other way around it, I would have found it by now. But since the President isn't going to be giving an interview, we need Donna to do it. She can put a good face on this and really sell it."

"No." He shook his head and lowered his voice. "There is no way. I'm not asking her to do this and you can't either."

"Josh…"

"I've said all I'm going to say. Thank you for helping me find my pen. Now let me get back to work."

"Fine." She said before leaving the room.

* * *

Donna entered their home and closed the door, leaning against it and releasing a heavy sigh. Traveling and walking through airports had wiped her out, making her absolutely exhausted. When she got off the plane she turned her phone back on and saw 20 missed calls from Josh. She thought about returning them but decided to wait until she got back home.

Now that she was home, put her stuff down and pulled out her phone. She quickly pushed number one on her speed dial.

"Josh Lyman."

"Hey." She greeted.

"Hey! What's going on? I've been trying to reach you for a while. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. My phone was turned off earlier." She assured him, walking into the kitchen. She opened up the refrigerator. "I'm just exhausted. What are you having for dinner?"

"I don't know." He sighed. "I'm not even sure what time it is."

"It's 6:54." She told him.

"Did you do the hour conversion in your head just now?" He laughed. "Because that was quick."

"No. I just looked at the clock on the microwave."

"Huh?"

He sounded confused so she decided to let him know what was going on. "So don't be mad…"

"I hate it when you start a sentence that way." He groaned.

"I kind of got released from the hospital and am back home."

"What?" He practically yelled into the phone. "And you didn't tell me?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise." She informed him. "So surprise."

"So you are standing in our home right now?"

"Yes." She chuckled, hearing the sound of papers rustling on his side of the call. "Currently I am standing in the kitchen but I was thinking of moving to the living room."

"You should rest." He commanded in a soft tone. "I'm coming home right now."

"You don't have to if you have stuff…"

"I'm coming home right now." He interrupted her. "Nothing is more important than you being back. I just can't believe you didn't tell me you were getting released. Though that explains why I couldn't get a hold of you earlier."

"I'm sorry. I thought it would be a nice surprise."

"It is. It was. I just…I was worried when I couldn't reach you. I know it's silly. But with what happened I…"

"I honestly didn't think about that." She realized now how it could look to him being unable to contact her. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine now that I know you're back home. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes."

"Ok." She chuckled. "I'll see you when you get here."

* * *

Josh hurried the whole way home. It did hurt a little that Donna hadn't told him about getting released. It was a major thing but she didn't mention it the two other times they talked this morning. He pushed it aside though because he was just so happy to have her back with him. He put his key in the lock and looked around, not finding her in the living room. He looked in the kitchen and didn't see her either. It wasn't until he went to the bedroom that he saw her. She was lying on her left side, already asleep.

She obviously wasn't kidding about being exhausted. It must have wiped her out traveling back here. He wasn't sure if he should wake her or not. After looking at her for a moment longer, he realized she needed to get her rest. Even though it wasn't even 8pm, he laid down next to her and carefully wrapped his arm around her waist. He kissed her neck and then laid his head on the pillow.


	12. Chapter 12

Hold Me Now

Part Twelve

Donna woke up and slowly stretched before getting up. Looking at the clock she saw that it was 6:30am. She must have been more exhausted than she thought to sleep for twelve hours. She could hear faint sounds coming from the kitchen and figured that's where Josh was since he wasn't in bed with her. He was most likely getting ready to go into the office. She got out of bed and decided to take a shower before getting something to eat. It was going to be a busy day.

* * *

Josh put the coffee cup on the tray and headed into the bedroom. He figured about twelve hours of sleep was enough for Donna right now. Any more than that and he was going to be worried that she had really over-exerted herself traveling home. He entered the bedroom and saw the empty bed first. Then he heard the shower running. He placed the tray on the bed and knocked on the door.

"Yeah?" Came the muffled reply.

He entered the bathroom, closing the door and leaning up against it. "Good morning."

"Morning." She greeted back.

He couldn't help but watch her blurry silhouette through the glass shower door as she finished her shower. "You slept for a long time."

"Yeah." She chuckled. "I didn't realize I was that tired. I really tried to stay awake until you got home."

"It's fine." He told her. "I'm just happy to have you home and not in a different country."

"I'm glad about that too." She turned the water off and came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her.

He closed the gap between them, wrapping his arm around her waist before giving her a kiss. He didn't want to try and progress the kiss any farther. He was leaving that up to her at this point. It was just difficult for him to not have his hands all over her. She was his kyrptonite. He was certain that he could lose everything in his life and be alright as long as he had her.

She pulled away from the kiss after a moment and laid her head on his shoulder. It felt amazing to hold her in his arms again. Although it had only been a couple of days, he missed it. There was no way he would ever get tired of being with her.

"I hate to ask, but could you please help me get dressed? It's a little hard to do without moving my wrist too much."

"Of course." He said as she pulled out of his embrace and left the bathroom. He followed her out to see that she was picking out a dress. He figured it was probably the easiest thing for get on and off with her wrist.

"I really only need help with zipping it up. I think I can get the rest done myself." She clarified as she laid her clothes on the bed. "Is this for me?" She pointed to the tray.

"Yes." He said, walking over to her. "I thought you were still in bed so I was going to bring you breakfast."

"Thank you." She smiled.

"So what is on your agenda today?" He asked as he watched her get dressed. He was impressed with how well she was doing without using her right wrist. "Talk shows or soap operas?"

"Neither." She answered.

"Ah, then it must be a movie day." He assumed, motioning for her to turn around so that he could zip her up. "I have a couple of meetings this morning that I have to go to but I'll be able to come back around lunchtime and work from home."

"That won't be necessary." She said as she turned around after he zipped up the dress.

He looked at her and grinned. "Humor me. I want to spend time with you and make sure that you aren't over-doing it."

"I appreciate that, but you don't need to come home early because I'll be at work."

He stopped and looked at her. "No you won't."

"Yes I will." She argued.

He saw her struggle with putting her sling back on and helped her get it situated. "You can't go back to work yet. You need to rest and recover."

"I'm fine." She told him. "Well my wrist isn't fine yet but that will heal."

"Not if you over exert yourself." He argued.

"Josh…"

"Donna."

"I get it." She sighed. "You're worried about me and I appreciate it. But I'm fine and I'm ready to go back to work. I have to go back to work. The First Lady's staff is freaking out and they have no clue what they are supposed to be doing. They need guidance."

"It doesn't have to be you."

"Then who?" She countered. "Huh? Who else is going to do it?"

"I don't know but it doesn't have to be you!" He exclaimed angrily. He was done helping her get dressed and took a few steps back from her. "You just got out of the hospital. You need to rest."

"I'm fine."

"You keep saying that." He shook his head. "I don't think you are though."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means what it means." He sighed. "You should be home, recovering instead of at the office and working. Do I have to make sure no one bothers you like you did for me after I got shot? I can put the fear of God into them just like you did back then."

"No because those are two totally different situations." She argued.

"They may be slightly different but the basic principle is the same. I almost died after being shot and you almost died after being blown up!"

"But you were in surgery for over 12 hours, which I know because I was watching from observation platform. You were in the hospital for a week and a half. I didn't have that same experience."

"But you were blown up!" He argued, not ready to let this go. "You could have very easily died that day along with everyone else. Or have you forgotten that little fact?"

"Of course I haven't forgotten that!" She yelled back.

He could see that she was starting to reach her breaking point. Up until now she had been fairly calm but he couldn't say that anymore. He decided to change tactics because yelling at her wasn't going to help the situation.

"You think I don't realize that I came dangerously close to death?" She asked in a softer tone. "You don't think that weighs on my mind?"

"You could have fooled me." He said quietly.

She scoffed and shook her head. "You know what? I'm not doing this."

He watched as she left the bedroom and followed her. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to work." She told him as she picked up her bag "I'll see you later."

She was gone before he could even say anything else.

* * *

Donna went in the door and flashed her id to security.

"It's nice to have you back, Ms. Moss." The security guy smiled.

"Thanks." She gave him a quick smile before moving along.

"Donna!"

She turned when she heard her name and saw C.J. walking towards her. "Hey."

C.J. gave her a quick hug. "It's so good to see you up and around. How are you?"

"I'm ok." She gave her old friend a smile.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm coming back to work."

"Already?" C.J. questioned.

"Yes." She sighed. "And please don't tell me I have to listen to you berate me for coming back to work too soon because I already had that with Josh this morning and I can't go another ten rounds with anyone about this right now."

"I wasn't going to give you grief." C.J. assured her. "I was only going to express concern and tell you that you know yourself better than I do. So if you feel ready to come back to work, then welcome back!"

"Thank you." It meant a lot to her to have at least one person understand where she was coming from.

"Actually, since you are here, can we talk for a moment in my office?"

"Sure." She was curious about what C.J. couldn't talk about in public so she followed the woman to her office, closing the door behind her. "What's up?"

"How much has Josh told you about the President and how he is doing?"

"He's told me a little bit." She shrugged. "Why? What's going on?"

"Josh and Leo are doing the best they can with the President but it isn't enough. The Republicans keep trying to make it seem like the attack the President lobbied was because of a personal vendetta and not because it's a proportional response."

"That's insane though." She sighed.

"They are also wondering why the President hasn't enacted the 25th amendment so he can grieve properly. They believe he should step down until at least after the funeral. And since the President isn't making any direct comments about the attack, the First Lady's death or this retaliation it makes us a sitting target. Toby and I are worried about what is going to happen if the Republicans are able to control the narrative long term. We need to be getting our message out there sooner rather than later." C.J. explained.

"So what do Josh and Leo have to say about it?"

"They think we need to give the President more time."

"But the more time you give him, the more damage is done." She stated.

"Exactly." C.J. agreed.

"So what is your plan?" She asked.

"What makes you think I have a plan?" C.J. laughed.

"Because I know you." She chuckled. "You always have a plan. What is it?"

"It's funny you ask because my plan actually involves you."

"How?"

"Let me preface this with a disclaimer. Josh didn't even want me to bring it up to you and he really doesn't want you to do it."

"Do what?" She asked, studying her friend closely. C.J. was actually nervous about asking her whatever she was about to ask, which was abnormal. It was starting to make her nervous.

"I was hoping you would be willing to sit down for a televised, in-depth interview with Diane Mathers."

"Why do you want me to do the interview?" She wasn't sure she fully understood what good it would do for her to participate in an interview.

"You would be able to humanize the story, which is what we are missing right now. The Republicans are making this whole thing about the mistakes they feel the President has made since the attack. Perhaps if we can get the story out from you about what it was like and why it is so important to retaliate, well maybe it can stop the bleeding. You could also reassure the public that the President is fully in control. We need to do something to change the tide."

"And you think me telling the story of what happened is the way to do that?"

"I do." C.J. nodded. "And believe me, I hate even asking you to relive what happened so soon—especially on television. But…"

"Can I think about it?" She interrupted. Her first instinct was to say no, but she realized she needed to think about it carefully before making a determination.

"Absolutely."

"Ok." She nodded. "I'll think about it and get back to you soon. But if you will excuse me, I have all of the First Lady's staff freaking out so I better go figure out what to tell them."

* * *

Donna closed the door to her office and sighed. The staff had applauded when they saw her walked through the door and that made her feel welcomed but also sad because the First Lady should also be here. She wasted no time giving the staffers assignments and trying to show them that even though everything had changed, there was still work to be done.

To be honest, she wasn't sure what the next steps were supposed to be or what role, if any, she still had since there was no living First Lady anymore. It wasn't the thought that she would lose her job that made her upset though. It was the thought of all the initiatives on the list she and the First Lady compiled remaining untouched that bothered her. They still had so much left on that list that they wanted to accomplish. Who would fight for it now?

She went over to her desk and sat down. C.J.'s request weighed on her mind. She wasn't sure that she was the best person for the job of sitting down for the interview. She didn't have much experience with that kind of thing. Sure she had given quotes to the press but not a sit down, interview—and certainly nothing with someone like Diane Mathers.

It didn't surprise her that Josh wasn't keen on the idea of her doing the interview and she figured he was only trying to shield her from the press. He had the best of intentions. That much was clear. But he was getting on her nerves a little. Like this morning for example. If she wanted to go back to work, then why couldn't he be supportive of that instead of turning it into an argument?

A knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts. "Come in!"

She expected to see one of her staffers but was surprised when it was Josh.

"I come bearing a peace offering." He gave her a small smile, closing the door with his foot and holding up a coffee and Danish. "Your favorite coffee and favorite pastry."

She couldn't help but smile a little back at him but didn't say anything as he approached her desk. He sat them down in front of her.

"I'm sorry about this morning." He apologized. "I was a little too intense and I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"No, you shouldn't have." She conceded. "But I know you are just concerned about me and I should have been more sensitive to that."

"I don't want you to over-exert yourself." He explained. "I know you say you are fine. But…"

"I know." She nodded.

"Can we compromise?"

"How so?"

"You agree to leave work by 5pm every day so that you have time to relax and rest?" He offered.

"6pm." She countered.

"5:30pm."

"Deal." She grinned.

He walked over to her side of the desk and leaned against it. "I love you."

"I love you too."


End file.
